Top 55 Things To LOL At

Today, Rob and I were gchatting and we got to talking about the internet expression "lol". Well, it went like this. Rob was talking about reusing some titles he pitched to The Onion in an upcoming list, and then he typed "lol recycling". For some reason I thought that was one of the titles, like a Point/Counterpoint: "Recycling Is Key to Our Planet's Future vs. LOL Recycling"... 

Anyway, we started talking about the diminishing power of "lol". Aside from just abbreviating "laughing out loud", it also has this incredible property to instantly deflate whatever follows it. Not maliciously, certainly not intelligently, but the effect is undeniable. It's a flippant display of skepticism. And sometimes, it's the only way to express that some concept or idea is so big, so complicated, so absurd, that you can't really take it at face value. You just have to lol.

So. Inspired by some of the things that Rob and I lol'd at today, here's a list. (Or poem?)

55. lol recycling

54. lol snowy owls

53. lol coral reefs

52. lol energy efficiency

51. lol net neutrality

50. lol conflict diamonds

49. lol veterans of foreign wars

48. lol globalization

47. lol privatization

46. lol the housing bubble

45. lol stimulus package

44. lol bipartisanship

43. lol monogamy

42. lol two-state solution

41. lol reparations

40. lol universal health care

39. lol Large Hadron Collider

38. lol quagmire

37. lol caves

36. lol Mohammed

34. lol Jesus the prophet

33. lol Jesus the son

32. lol no child left behind

31. lol children

30. lol childhood

29. lol adulthood

28. lol voter apathy

27. lol yes we did

26. lol mavericks

25. lol lipstick on a pitbull

24. lol Joe the Plumber

23. lol Joe the Biden

22. lol viral presidency

21. lol AIDS virus

20. lol A-Rod

19. lol the love of the game

18. lol the book of love

17. lol the line of David

16. lol David at the dentist

15. lol Charlie bit me

14. lol Chocolate Rain

13. lol Purple Rain

12. lol bad moon rising

11. lol China on the rise

10. lol Israel and Palestine

9. lol Florida and Ohio

8. lol Tom and Katie

7. lol the levies

6. lol Kanye West

5. lol West Africa

4. lol East Berlin

3. lol North Korea

2. lol the South will rise again

1. lol tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow

Top 8 Ways to Communicate Laughter on the Internet

8. simply typing "I just laughed"

Go communicate with something more your speed, old timer, like a telegraph.

7. "rofl" ("rolling on the floor laughing")

This one should be renamed "roflsstok" to stand for "rolling on the floor laughing and still somehow typing on the keyboard" to emphasize the more impressive part of it.

6. "kekekekekekeke ^_^"

Fuck you.

5. "lulz" or "lawl," etc. (slang versions of the already slang term "lol")

This is like that Robert-->Bob-->Bobby (or William-->Bill-->Billy) shit, and I don't like it one bit more.  I hate anyone who would choose to go by Bobby or Billy unless they are under 8 years old.  I might hate them anyway, but it would have to be for different reasons.  Anyway, "lulz" and its cousins are none too good.

4. "lmao" ("laughing my ass off")

I could get behind this more if people's asses actually flew off of them in a cartoony manner when they laughed hard enough.  Actually, it's more that I could just get behind a world like that.  So I could GET behind, but who knows if I could KEEP it, right?  Right?  Anyone?

This term is okay.

3. "hehehe"...(etc.)

I've been experimenting with this one lately and it's pretty fun.  I think it's for when something happens that doesn't really make you double over with laughter or whatever, but it's something comedic and you approve.  It's more like giggling.  Here is a good use on gchat:

Peter: [Big Lebowski reference]

Rob: hehehehehe B-)

2. "hahaha"...(etc.)

Onamatopoetic laughter.  Good, and adaptable, as shown above, but very high on keystroke count.

1. "lol" ("laughing out loud")

It's simple, straight, and to the point. "LOL" has been left so far behind that we often forget how useful it is.  Only three keystrokes, and the other person knows that you have indeed been bustin' gut.  Yes, it's been misused too often, and you should obviously never write something like "howz it hangin lol" but if you're not a fuckhead, you know that already.

It's also the only one of these with its own Wikipedia entry, which means it's special and better.