Top 11 Suggestions of Things to Do with Iran

First off, I would like to talk about two very, very sad and important deaths today. The deaths of TWO MORE IRANIANS WHOSE NAMES YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW OH MY GOD YOUR MIND IS BLOWN AND LIFE RECONTEXTUALIZED. Actually though at least two probably did die in Iran if not in protests at least of old age so there.

In any case, and in all seriousness, we have all now seen that Obama is far too weak in his rhetoric and action to support fledgling democracy abroad. What more could he do, you ask? Well, let me tell you. He could do any of these things:

11. Nuke the fuck out of them

10. Fly planes over them blasting at 1000 decibels the sounds of loud gay orgies

9. Sell weapons to Iraq and tell them to fight Iran

8. Send a bunch of shirtless guys with their bodies painted American colors to yell "AMERICA!!!!!!" really loud until Ahmadinejad's eardrums bleed really bad and he thinks he has an ear infection

7. Declare support for the Ayatollah Khomeni (get Britain to do this also, and his head will explode)

6. Invade Iran for oil

5. Fight communists

4. Depose their leader and instate some outdated monarchial figure whom absolutely no one likes (credit to Ernest Hererra for this excellent idea)

3. Elect Ahmadinejad as President of America so he has to resign from Presidency in Iran (it's a rule that you can be president of two places at the same time)

2. Send Farrah Fawcett over there...OHSHIT I guess we will have to just send an actual faucet instead

1. Invade Iran on the side of Moussavi, then declare "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED" after 2 weeks of combat

The Top 24 Games That Would Be Pretty Fun to Play Life-Sized Versions Of

Okay, well, if there's anything I've learned in about 3 weeks of having a blog, it's probably that shoutouts to other blogs are supposed to occupy about 2/3 of the content. WITH THAT IN MIND, today I will deliver two shoutouts to other blogs, and then a list.

First of all, the Bwog, which...honestly, if you read this site, I have no idea how you wouldn't be aware of the Bwog, and you probably read it. Right now I'm reviewing webserieseseseses for the site, most recently The Jeannie Tate Show, which is a pretty wild ride. So anyway: the Bwog tells you important things about Columbia like where to get free food and how much you are supposed to hate the incoming class of 2012 to fit in with the editorial staff (answer: a lot).

Second, and more importantly, to The Resilient Rabbit, which I discovered about a week ago in a fit of "clicking every hyperlink on the internet I see." Turns out that this was a pretty good fit of that, however, because the blogger who runs it was having a contest/givaway of the first season of Peep Show, which she had some extra DVDs of. (hangin' preps no regrets) I got my DVD in the mail like, two days ago, and I've been enjoying the heck out of it. (Peep Show, for the uninitiated, is probably the best British show going right now, at least until The Thick of It gets back on its feet, supposedly late 2009.) ANYWAY, The Resilient Rabbit is a blog of a sweet comedy blog run by a blogger who blogs about many of my blogcomedy blogheros on her blogblogblog. INCLUDING: Dylan Moran, Joel Hodgson of MST3K, Kids in the Hall, Bob Odenkirk and David Cross, Michael Ian Black, Jon Stewart/The Daily Show (is that billboard really in Minnesota? I have to drive around here and try to find it), Eddie Izzard, and Bill Hicks. She's got great coverage and commentary on all of those people and more, and her writing is entertaining and engaging. HOWEVER, I actually just changed my mind completely about her when I discovered that she went to Yale.

Dear the Resilient Rabbit: We here at Peter and Rob Make Lists of Things are Columbia people. I appreciate the fact that you sent me free stuff, and I want to love your blog--in fact, I would love your blog--but for the fact that people who go to different schools that compete with each other, in any way, have simply irreconcilable differences. In the words of Todd Barry, "Boo, you went to a different school than I did! I want everybody going to the same school!"

I guess what I'm trying to say is this: The Resilient Rabbit, we are declaring war on you. We will fight to the end, and we will win.

Okay, now a list. This evening, a friend and I set up a life-sized Monopoly board around his house, including an actual sink for "Waterworks" and a GO TO JAIL police officer that popped out of his dishwasher. Basically, we're really cool, and it got me thinking as to what other board games would be pretty fun to play life-sized versions of (that's the name of the list in case you've been payin' real close attention):

24. Sorry!

23. Parcheesi

22. Nine Men's Morris

21. Who Wants to Be a Millionaire: the Board Game

(Wait, shit, nevermind.)

20. Settlers of Catan

19. Don't Break the Ice

18. Don't Wake Daddy

17. Go

(You need a lot of black people and a lot of white people.)

16. Milles Bournes

15. Monopoly

(Seriously, it was pretty fun.)

14. Ticket to Ride

(the board game not the Beatles song you fools)

13. Puerto Rico

(the board game not the unincorporated territory you fools)

12. Risk

11. Chess

10. Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?: the Board Game

(I'm going to go ahead and declare that joke good enough to make twice.)

9. Tic Tac Toe

8. Battleship

7. Mall Madness

6. Axis and Allies

(Okay the second time was mostly worth it only so the third time could be a WWII joke.)

5. Guess Who?

(If I am ever the dictator of a small nation we are going to do this.)

4. Mouse Trap

3. Mario Party

(The world in which this is real is the best of all possible worlds. Suck it, Pangloss.)

2. Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots

(If you get punched, your head comes off.)

1. Life