Thursday, June 25, 2009

Top 11 Suggestions of Things to Do with Iran

First off, I would like to talk about two very, very sad and important deaths today. The deaths of TWO MORE IRANIANS WHOSE NAMES YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW OH MY GOD YOUR MIND IS BLOWN AND LIFE RECONTEXTUALIZED. Actually though at least two probably did die in Iran if not in protests at least of old age so there.

In any case, and in all seriousness, we have all now seen that Obama is far too weak in his rhetoric and action to support fledgling democracy abroad. What more could he do, you ask? Well, let me tell you. He could do any of these things:

11. Nuke the fuck out of them

10. Fly planes over them blasting at 1000 decibels the sounds of loud gay orgies

9. Sell weapons to Iraq and tell them to fight Iran

8. Send a bunch of shirtless guys with their bodies painted American colors to yell "AMERICA!!!!!!" really loud until Ahmadinejad's eardrums bleed really bad and he thinks he has an ear infection

7. Declare support for the Ayatollah Khomeni (get Britain to do this also, and his head will explode)

6. Invade Iran for oil

5. Fight communists

4. Depose their leader and instate some outdated monarchial figure whom absolutely no one likes (credit to Ernest Hererra for this excellent idea)

3. Elect Ahmadinejad as President of America so he has to resign from Presidency in Iran (it's a rule that you can be president of two places at the same time)

2. Send Farrah Fawcett over there...OHSHIT I guess we will have to just send an actual faucet instead

1. Invade Iran on the side of Moussavi, then declare "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED" after 2 weeks of combat

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