Monday, June 29, 2009

Top 15 Other Best Picture Style Changes We Have To Look Forward To

Hey, some crazy shit went down re: The Oscars! I BET THE WORLD HAS CHANGED FOR FOREVER, RIGHT?! Like, for instance, I hear there are more changes on the way, SUCH AS:

15. The Tonys are now open to any random 'mo who yells loudly enough between 40th and 50th

14. The Grammys are now ten times more pointless

13. The Man Booker Prize can now be awarded to phonebooks and textbooks

12. Seven teams will play each other in the World Series

12. The Super Bowl is now fought with swords

11. The annual NCAA college basketball tournament has been expanded to include the entire National Hockey League

10. You can now only buy cats in pairs

9. Every dog in the world has now tied for "Best in Show", according to the Westminster Kennel Club

8. Christopher Guest has now officially written five movies titled Best in Show

7. The 1964 Best Picture has been re-awarded to Dr. Strangelove

6. The 1965 Best Picture has been re-awarded to What's Eating Gilbert Grape?

5. Grapes are now $5.99 a pound

4. A pound is now equal to two and a half shirts

3. Two and a Half Men is now being televised on UPN, on Tuesday mornings

2. A new day has been inserted between Tuesday and Wednesday--Glorvsday

1. The Oscars have been stripped of all their austere professionalism and are now, for the first time, a silly popularity contest that doesn't actually matter

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