Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Top 8 Things to Do When You're Unemployed

8. Look for a job

I think we can all agree that this is the dumbest thing about being unemployed, and I'm going to skip it.

7. Listen to seminal mid-90s hip-hop while you clean your room

Similarly, I think we can all agree that this is the best. CAN'T KNOCK THA HUSTLE.

6. Surf Craigslist jobs, but cheifly looking for funny stuff


It feels so much better to realize that you are not as pathetic as some the people writing/taking these jobs.

5. Then seriously consider one of the ones you at first looked at because you thought it was funny

Oh, God. I might have even plausibly done it, even after I learned via phone that it was a 38-day never-leave-the-hospital affair, if I wouldn't have had to start on my birthday. That's right. The first day would've been my 22nd birthday. (TWENTY-TWO????)

4. Lose faith in everything and write a blog post begging anyone reading it to hire you

...please?

3. Ask anyone reading this to actually re-read that last one and take it seriously this time

...please?

2. Spill potting soil on a white carpet, put soap and water on it without realizing you shouldn't do that first, then borrow a neighbor's vacuum cleaner and spend an hour and a half trying to get the mud you just made out of the carpet

Guess what I did yesterday?

1. Read peterandrobmakelistsofthings.blogspot.com

You lucky bastard. I have already read every post on this website. But you--you are able to start at the start and enjoy every bit of brilliance within. Unless you have read every post. Then you're as fucked as me.

1 comment:

Caitlin said...

(1) Holla, unemployment!
(2) When did Rob Trump becoming 22 become a feasible reality? (rather than a blatant lie from the back seat of my dad's ford expedition)