Top 2 Things That Are Borderline Unforgivable

2. The Minnesota Twins did not win their season opener against the Seattle Mariners.

You guys better win tonight or I am taking over the team like that kid in Little Big League. There will be a reckoning! No one is safe! Not even you, Nicky Punto! Now, slide into first base head-first! Again! Again! Who do you play for! Again! Again!

1. I put up a "Happy Birthday, Paul Rudd" list, but not a "Happy Birthday, Mom" list?!

You guys, this was just bad, bad form. You may recall that yesterday, April 6th, I posted a list chronicling the eight best roles Paul Rudd has played, in honor of his 40th birthday. Well, where the hell was I on March 28th, and where was the tribute list to my dear mother? (Note: I'm not "just now bringing this up" 'cause my dad told me to or anything like that. It dawned on me this morning and I felt totes bummed, so I had to do something about it. In fact, DAD, where was the "How dare you not tribute your mom in list fashion!" email?! Diffusion of responsibility!) Anyway, here are the Top 8 Roles My Mom Has Played:

8) Department chair
7) First soprano (not like, first ever, but still!)
6) First librarian in space (that was a first)
5) Also the second librarian in space
4) "Melissa" in A.R. Gurney's Love Letters
3) Wife
2) Mother
1) Third librarian in space

I love you, Mom!