Top 6 Mistakes on C-SPAN's Closed Captioning of the Inauguration

Hooray, America! And, as I was reminded watching C-SPAN on a Jumbotron, hooray C-SPAN for having 30 years of coverage! (Did you really need to leave that on while actually historic things were happening?) But most of all, hooray for whatever robot or idiot was doing the closed-captioning, because there is nothing more satisfying than watching a huge crowd laugh at a serious event because somebody was screwing up. Also, there were so many mistakes that there's no way I could get all of them, so feel free to submit your own if you were watching the Jumbotron or captioned C-SPAN at the time.

6. "Thy kingdom come, the will be done"

Note that I said "robot or idiot" in the prologue to this. That's because, well, what actual person wouldn't recognize this phrase, right? The Lord's Prayer has to be one of the most frequently-recited bits of English--how could you screw this up? It has to be some voice-recognition program, right? On the other hand...

5. "We have brought unnecessary change to Washington."

This one--what was really said was "a necessary change"--sorta convinced me that the captioning guy was in fact a guy and had an agenda.

4. "Senator Joseph R. Brighton"

You'd really think that the program or person would recognize the second-most important name in the ceremony today. You'd be wrong.

3. "A rock Hussein Obama"

You'd be very, very wrong.

2. "Land of teh pilgrim's pride"

A typo is a little pedestrian and nitpicky, but that doesn't change the fact that imagining Aretha Franklin using "leet" is hilarious.

1. "We can be sure that Dr. King and a great cloud of witnesses are shopping in heaven."

Rick Warren actually said "shouting," but I think we can all agree that this image is better.

Top 9 Worst Possible Entries to This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

As some of you know, it is a personal goal of mine to someday win the New Yorker Caption Contest.  If you are also interested in doing so, you would do well to read this excellent Slate article.  But it's really much more fun to write terrible captions.  A practice that, incidentally, has its own contest.

9. "Order in the court!  Haha, get it, because everything is in disorder!  Hehehe, I crack myself up.  Of course, I better, because there's nobody else here.  God, I miss my wife."

8. "Is that flag touching the ground?  If it is, I have to burn it.  Oh, it's not?  Damn.  I really wanted to burn something."

7. "Where's Waldo?  It's me.  I'm Waldo.  I got older and stopped dressing like a fuckwad."

6. "Where'd that marmot go?  I'm gonna hit him with my hammer.  Gavel, hammer, whatever.  This isn't actually my job.  It's a post-apocalyptic world and I like running around to different places and pretending I'm in positions of power.  Everyone else is dead."

5. "What's that piece of string on the ground?  Oh, is that the cartoonist's signature?  Haha, that was funny.  That would really have cracked my wife up.  God, I miss her."

4. "Who spilled my orange juice!?!?!?!"

3. "It's a shame that this happened at such a groundbreaking trial.  I mean, the trial of the magical plant that could stay stiff and keep its pot apparently suspended in mid-air when it was turned upside-down on the ground.  It would've been one for the ages."

2. "The next item up for bid is lot #4619, two papers."

1. "Is that an iron on the ground?  Wow, that brings back memories of my wife.  She used to iron a lot.  Once I grabbed it from her and swung it around my head like a lariat and then smashed her face in with it.  I think the iron was on, too.  God, I miss her."