Guess what, dear PaRMLoT readers? WE LOVE YOU! Are we saying this just because we're filled with the joy and fervor of the Great New American Possibility? Well, yeah, that too! But also, we just plain friggin' loves ya.
That brings me to a funny little thing. According to Google Analytics, someone searched the phrase "top 20 sentences like i love you" to get to this site. Well, sir or madam, you have not searched in vain!
20. I have a heart-boner for you.
19. I think you’re super-great in a let’s-have-sex-and-grow-old-together kind of way.
18. I am a battle-tank of affection for you.
17. “As you wish.”
16. I think we’ve really got something here, love-wise.
15. You have a tendency to put me into a very loving mental state. No worries, though—probably just chemicals.
14. You’re basically my whole deal.
13. “I’ve got two big hands and a heart pumping blood and a 1965 Colt .45 with a busted safety catch.”
12. I want to buy you a dress and a house and put you in them, one after the other. And then take the dress off? (And then take the house off?)
11. You are my new Barack Obama.
10. I am less than three of you. (Thanks, Rob!)
9. Knock, knock. (Who’s there?) I love. (I love who?) YOU, OBVIOUSLY.
8. (Robot voice) Love… does not compute… but if it did… I would have it… for you. Terminating... (Then, the robot explodes, because it has attempted to understand love.)
7. (Throw a ball at someone.) Them: What was that for? You: It was for me loving you.
6. (Slap someone in the face with a leather glove.) Them: Dude, what the fuck? You: My love for you—that’s what the fuck.
5. (Drop love bombs on someone’s country.) Them: AAAAAAAAAGH AIR RAID! You, shouted from a plane: MORE LIKE, LOVE RAID, LOVER!!!
4. (The next couple are sort of like math problems, because they involve substituting one variable for another!) If God is love, then I God you.
3. Consequently, if Clapton is God, then I Clapton you.
2. If you think Clapton is gay, then I gay you.
1. Finally, if you’re the kind of person who says that love is gay… I love you. DEAL WITH IT.
