Top 20 Sentences Like "I Love You"

Guess what, dear PaRMLoT readers? WE LOVE YOU! Are we saying this just because we're filled with the joy and fervor of the Great New American Possibility? Well, yeah, that too! But also, we just plain friggin' loves ya. 

That brings me to a funny little thing. According to Google Analytics, someone searched the phrase "top 20 sentences like i love you" to get to this site. Well, sir or madam, you have not searched in vain!

20. I have a heart-boner for you.

19. I think you’re super-great in a let’s-have-sex-and-grow-old-together kind of way.

18. I am a battle-tank of affection for you.

17. “As you wish.”

16. I think we’ve really got something here, love-wise.

15. You have a tendency to put me into a very loving mental state. No worries, though—probably just chemicals.

14. You’re basically my whole deal.

13. “I’ve got two big hands and a heart pumping blood and a 1965 Colt .45 with a busted safety catch.”

12. I want to buy you a dress and a house and put you in them, one after the other. And then take the dress off? (And then take the house off?)

11. You are my new Barack Obama.

10. I am less than three of you. (Thanks, Rob!)

9. Knock, knock. (Who’s there?) I love. (I love who?) YOU, OBVIOUSLY.

8. (Robot voice) Love… does not compute… but if it did… I would have it… for you. Terminating... (Then, the robot explodes, because it has attempted to understand love.)

7. (Throw a ball at someone.) Them: What was that for? You: It was for me loving you.

6. (Slap someone in the face with a leather glove.) Them: Dude, what the fuck? You: My love for you—that’s what the fuck.

5. (Drop love bombs on someone’s country.) Them: AAAAAAAAAGH AIR RAID! You, shouted from a plane: MORE LIKE, LOVE RAID, LOVER!!!

4. (The next couple are sort of like math problems, because they involve substituting one variable for another!) If God is love, then I God you.

3. Consequently, if Clapton is God, then I Clapton you.

2. If you think Clapton is gay, then I gay you.

1. Finally, if you’re the kind of person who says that love is gay… I love you. DEAL WITH IT. 

Top 21 Things That Are Punk

Google Analytics has been a friggin' boon of list ideas, guys. Recently, someone searched "how to be punk" and landed on our site. Well, we at PaRMLoT are all about customer service. You wanted this list, so you got it!

That's right, it's time for a GOOGLE ANALYSTICS REQUEST LIST. (Also known as a GARL, I guess? Ew.)

21. Mom humor

Oh man. “Crappola”, “garbage” and “Target” pronounced with French affectations… moms are the best. I mean, so punk rock. Moms are so punk rock.

20. Holding hands

Human contact in general, really…

19. Canadian thanksgiving

What the heck, hosers! Thanksgiving in October? No formal connection to turkeys? A celebration of explorer Martin Frobisher not dying after failing to find the Northwest Passage? Ugh, PUNK.

18. Exposed brick and hardwood floors

You guys, my apartment is so punk rock.

17. Baco Bits

THEY ARE BACON BUT THEY ARE ALSO NOT BACON WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT.

16. The O.C. Season 2

You need to trust me here. Trust is also super-punk.

15. Polydactyl cats

Like my cat for instance. Yeti is so friggin’ punk, man. He’s always like, “You want me to stay off the table? EFF THAT, HUMANS.”

14. Vests

Listen up, sleeves. Y’all been made obsolete.

13. Tacit racism

Kinda punk, right?

12. Referendums

Direct democracy is so anti-establishment, even though it gives ultimate power to the majority. Hmm. THINK ON IT.

11. Putting dogs in sweaters

Look at that dog. He’s wearing people clothes. He’s practically people. Dogs aren’t people—but this one sure is trying. PAF, dude. Punk as fuck.

10. Country music

Dear everyone who hates on country without understanding what “country” is,

You are anti-punk. Country is my brother. We dine together at Canadian Thanksgiving. You can die now.

Hate, Punk

9. Grad school

Haha, nerds—looks like I’m applying to PUNK school this week.

8. Johnny Ramone, the one that became a Republican

Life imitates PUNK.

7. Transsexuals

The laws of nature have been given their due PUNK. (Surprisingly, the show Punk’d is so unpunk, it’s hilarious. We calculated it with science. It was hard.)

6. The Detroit Lions

0-12, baby. They don’t give a fuck and that is PUNK.

5. The sea

…has sharks in it. PUNK, OBV.

4. The unstoppable menace of time passing

Self-(PUNK)-explanatory.

3. Catchphrases

More like “Where’s the PUNK?!” (Answer: In advertising.)

2. Beethoven

9^th Symphony = PUNK BIBLE.

1. The “Circe” chapter of Ulysses

Oh, hello work of literature that has thus-far been a novel. This chapter is going to be in play-format. BIRTH OF PUNK.