Google Analytics has been a friggin' boon of list ideas, guys. Recently, someone searched "how to be punk" and landed on our site. Well, we at PaRMLoT are all about customer service. You wanted this list, so you got it!
That's right, it's time for a GOOGLE ANALYSTICS REQUEST LIST. (Also known as a GARL, I guess? Ew.)
21. Mom humor
Oh man. “Crappola”, “garbage” and “Target” pronounced with French affectations… moms are the best. I mean, so punk rock. Moms are so punk rock.
20. Holding hands
Human contact in general, really…
19. Canadian thanksgiving
What the heck, hosers! Thanksgiving in October? No formal connection to turkeys? A celebration of explorer Martin Frobisher not dying after failing to find the Northwest Passage? Ugh, PUNK.
18. Exposed brick and hardwood floors
You guys, my apartment is so punk rock.
17. Baco Bits
THEY ARE BACON BUT THEY ARE ALSO NOT BACON WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT.
16. The O.C. Season 2
You need to trust me here. Trust is also super-punk.
15. Polydactyl cats
Like my cat for instance. Yeti is so friggin’ punk, man. He’s always like, “You want me to stay off the table? EFF THAT, HUMANS.”
Listen up, sleeves. Y’all been made obsolete.
13. Tacit racism
Kinda punk, right?
Direct democracy is so anti-establishment, even though it gives ultimate power to the majority. Hmm. THINK ON IT.
11. Putting dogs in sweaters
Look at that dog. He’s wearing people clothes. He’s practically people. Dogs aren’t people—but this one sure is trying. PAF, dude. Punk as fuck.
10. Country music
Dear everyone who hates on country without understanding what “country” is,
You are anti-punk. Country is my brother. We dine together at Canadian Thanksgiving. You can die now.
9. Grad school
Haha, nerds—looks like I’m applying to PUNK school this week.
8. Johnny Ramone, the one that became a Republican
Life imitates PUNK.
The laws of nature have been given their due PUNK. (Surprisingly, the show Punk’d is so unpunk, it’s hilarious. We calculated it with science. It was hard.)
6. The Detroit Lions
0-12, baby. They don’t give a fuck and that is PUNK.
5. The sea
…has sharks in it. PUNK, OBV.
4. The unstoppable menace of time passing
More like “Where’s the PUNK?!” (Answer: In advertising.)
9th Symphony = PUNK BIBLE.
1. The “Circe” chapter of Ulysses
Oh, hello work of literature that has thus-far been a novel. This chapter is going to be in play-format. BIRTH OF PUNK.