Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Top 21 Things That Are Punk

Google Analytics has been a friggin' boon of list ideas, guys. Recently, someone searched "how to be punk" and landed on our site. Well, we at PaRMLoT are all about customer service. You wanted this list, so you got it!

That's right, it's time for a GOOGLE ANALYSTICS REQUEST LIST. (Also known as a GARL, I guess? Ew.)

21. Mom humor

Oh man. “Crappola”, “garbage” and “Target” pronounced with French affectations… moms are the best. I mean, so punk rock. Moms are so punk rock.

20. Holding hands

Human contact in general, really…

19. Canadian thanksgiving

What the heck, hosers! Thanksgiving in October? No formal connection to turkeys? A celebration of explorer Martin Frobisher not dying after failing to find the Northwest Passage? Ugh, PUNK.

18. Exposed brick and hardwood floors

You guys, my apartment is so punk rock.

17. Baco Bits


16. The O.C. Season 2

You need to trust me here. Trust is also super-punk.

15. Polydactyl cats

Like my cat for instance. Yeti is so friggin’ punk, man. He’s always like, “You want me to stay off the table? EFF THAT, HUMANS.”

14. Vests

Listen up, sleeves. Y’all been made obsolete.

13. Tacit racism

Kinda punk, right?

12. Referendums

Direct democracy is so anti-establishment, even though it gives ultimate power to the majority. Hmm. THINK ON IT.

11. Putting dogs in sweaters

Look at that dog. He’s wearing people clothes. He’s practically people. Dogs aren’t people—but this one sure is trying. PAF, dude. Punk as fuck.

10. Country music

Dear everyone who hates on country without understanding what “country” is,

You are anti-punk. Country is my brother. We dine together at Canadian Thanksgiving. You can die now.

Hate, Punk

9. Grad school

Haha, nerds—looks like I’m applying to PUNK school this week.

8. Johnny Ramone, the one that became a Republican

Life imitates PUNK.

7. Transsexuals

The laws of nature have been given their due PUNK. (Surprisingly, the show Punk’d is so unpunk, it’s hilarious. We calculated it with science. It was hard.)

6. The Detroit Lions

0-12, baby. They don’t give a fuck and that is PUNK.

5. The sea

…has sharks in it. PUNK, OBV.

4. The unstoppable menace of time passing


3. Catchphrases

More like “Where’s the PUNK?!” (Answer: In advertising.)

2. Beethoven

9th Symphony = PUNK BIBLE.

1. The “Circe” chapter of Ulysses

Oh, hello work of literature that has thus-far been a novel. This chapter is going to be in play-format. BIRTH OF PUNK.

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