Thursday, December 25, 2008

Top 40 New Names For the Baby Jesus or College Football Bowl Games

So there I sat, in Midnight Mass, thinking, "Garsh, there's a lot of names for Jesus!" Names like Son of God, Son of Man, Lord of Lords, Prince of Peace, and Wonder Counselor! Then, today, while reading the sports page, I thought, "Garsh, there's a lot of unnecessary college football bowl games!" Games like the Meineke Car Care Bowl, the Bowl, and the magicJack St. Petersburg Bowl.

Well, I wanted to do lists on both, but it's Christmas, so I combined them! Jesus names in green, bowl names in red!

40. J. Crizzle

39. The Crossbow Bowl

38. The Bowl

37. God Jr

36. The Boy Who Was His Own Father

35. The "Pat Digby for Finn County Sheriff" Bowl

34. Baby Bjlord

33. The Mole Bowl (in Division I-AA, the counterpart is the Vole Bowl)

32. Kid Christ

31. Lil' Ol' Hard-to-Kill

30. The Collected Works of James Fennimore Cooper Bowl

29. The Bergen County Tourism Commission Bowl (the Bergen County Community College football team is granted an automatic bid to this bowl game)

28. God-Tested, Holy-Mother-Approved

27. The Widespread Panic Bowl

26. The Fibromyalgia Awareness Bowl (an all-star game played by the best collegiate football players who present symptoms of fibromyalgia)

25. The Anti-Anti-Christ

24. Savior-in-a-box

23. The No-Turn-on-Red Bowl

22. Ringo of Nazareth

21. Dennis McEmmanuel

20. The Freemason Bowl

19. The Incarceratedmason Bowl

18. The Cadbury Creme Egg Bowl (previously known simply as the Egg Bowl, until it received sponsorship from the Cadbury-Schweppes company in 1996)

17. J. Herman Christ

16. Justice O. Peaceandlove

15. It Came From Bethlehem!!!

14. The PaRMLoT Bowl (actually just me and Rob throwing a football at each other when one of us isn't looking)

13. H.L. Mencken

12. Joseph's Little Hard-to-Explain Helper

11. The Original X-Man

10. Like a kid, but with superpowers

9. The Obsessive-Compulsives Anonymous Bowl (during this game, the first kickoff is replayed over and over and over until
everybody gets it right)

8. County Executive of County Executives

7. "Gentle" Jesuford Heisenberg Christenbaum

6. Nathaniel "Savior of Nations" Graybeard

5. The Pappy Chang's Take-Out-or-Eat-In Bowl

4. The Red Roof Inn Bowl (Martin Mull is the head referee for this bowl game)

3. MC J.C.

2. The Halliburton Happiness Bowl

1. Tiny Boy the Fireshooter

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