Monday, December 29, 2008

Top 15 Lists Peter Wrote for Peter and Rob Make Lists of Things in 2008

More navel-gazing!  But this time it's me gazing at Peter's navel!  Is that weird?  Too late to care, let's forge on ahead!  (Note: I tended to favor older lists, which I figure newer readers are less likely to have seen, so you can enjoy the best of what you haven't read yet!)


With over 300 views, this is the all-time most popular list on PaRMLoT, and who am I to argue with popular consensus?  Most of the hits came from people searching terms like "lazy halloween costumes" in the three days before the holiday, and I'm glad they came to the best possible resource for such a need.  It's the best possible resource because a lot of the costumes on the list are of the "don't change anything and say you are X" variety.  I really hope that Peter helped 300 people be "that asshole with the meta-costume" at their respective parties.


Peter's obsession with Legends of the Hidden Temple has run strong throughout this blog, and this is the apex of his focus on it, which adds to its stature.  Mostly, however, this list is on here because In completely lose it every time I read #2, "Kirk Fogg is clearly a prisoner."


I love Peter's lists of "fictional Xs" (there may even be another one on this list...no peeking!) because they often just spiral off into total absurdity.  This one starts pretty strong--there's something glorious about a haircut with a forward slash in the name--and by the time I am imagining exactly what the haircut "The Capitol Steps" looks like, I'm IN IT.


I love Celebrity, and hopefully this list introduced some people to the game.  What makes Peter's list about it great, though is the constant switching between the three different rounds.  Especially the round two ones--"not Randy" is such an artful description of Dennis Quaid.  It's weirdly both absurdist and extremely relatable if you've played the game.


I think that of all Peter's pop-culture-analysis posts, this is my favorite.  Read this list to instill in yourself exactly what makes a great closing track to a great album.  What makes a good closing track is complicated, and I think this list captures it perfectly.


Extra points to this list for being the FIRST REAL LIST ever posted on Peter and Rob Make Lists of Things!  Basic points for being hilarious and awesome, and for #3, "All of the main characters are actually cats," which carries the following description:

Note: Do NOT under any circumstances disclose or make references to this fact prior to deploying the literary device. If on page 250 of "Cat Party: The Party That Was For Cats" you throw in a line like, "By the way, Ernst, Gabby, and Martinique are all shorthair tabbies," no one will care. But imagine how much better Crime and Punishment could have been!!!


Dammit, Peter, the whole purpose of making lists is that you don't even have to write good or even complete sentences.  But Peter flouted list convention and put up an actually excellent piece of writing, a paean to the Twins' season that is certainly the best bit of prose on the site.  Read this and make yourself cry if you are a sports fan of any kind.


I am such a sucker for super-high-concept stuff, and this list is so high-concept that it almost mocks the entire concept.  (Of being high-concept.  Concept.)  This list combines all the greatest things in the world--politics, guest appearances on sitcoms, and the 90s.  Also, it contains the following sentence:

Niles can’t stop crushing on Michelle Obama and Daphne can’t stop being tacitly racist!

That, friends, is a list.


Not only does Peter leave a prep hangin' and not regret it in the title of this list, this early list is packed with gems: it starts with "vaguely sexual," "early Bowie," and "wanton cannibal," and it's only uphill from there.


I have had several people tell me that this is one of their favorite lists on the site, and I agree.  I think it sort of manages to enscapulate everything we're trying to do with this blog--perfect opportunity for the list format, references to Legends of the Hidden Temple, and a highbrow educated concept replete with dick jokes.  Great work, Peter.


I think my favorite part about this is the hosts, which at first seem arbitrary, but the more you reread them, the more they seem to be exactly the perfect person who would host that show and cause you to only sorta get why they are hosting it.  Top Facebook invites hosted by Lily Tomlin?  Why DOES that sorta make sense to me?  Also, it keeps alive one of our more minor feuds, the legitimacy of Casey Affleck, the sucker who has done nothing.  Also, I love meta-lists.


Oh, speaking of feuds, I JUST PUT THIS  LIST ON HERE CUZ IT SUCKS AND PETER FORGOT MERKIN MUFFLEY WHAT AN IDIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOTTTT!!!!  Merkin Muffley 4 lyfe.


This post is wonderful largely because all of the addresses are real and all the e-mails were actually sent, some of them to me.  The Ron Shortsweather e-mail that is listed at #1 is one of the great pieces of art produced by western civilization.  Specifically, the bit with the broken links to pictures of beaches...that's worthy of someone's grad thesis.  Pray that one day you will be special enough to receive an e-mail from one of these addresses.


I want to live in the world where these are stock characters.  That world is the best world of all worlds.  Just imagine "the alcoholic child" showing up and you knowing exactly what you are getting.  Yeah, you want to live in that world, too.


This was the best list on the site when Peter wrote it originally, and I think it still is.  As well as providing people with a way to settle any and all arguments, Peter gives some of the best examples, including: "Love vs. Sex," "Millard Fillmore v. Rutheford B. Hayes," and references to Neil Young, Multiplicity, and The Colbert Report.  This is the list that you will spend a few minutes reading, then several hours playing with the game that it teaches you.  This is the list to beat all lists.

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