Sunday, August 10, 2008

Top 15 "That Guy" Guys (and Gals) To Use in a Game of Celebrity

Celebrity is probably my favorite party game. We actually had to enact a year-long moratorium on it in my apartment, as it can lead to very contentious situations between some of the more competitive folks who frequent The Eiffel Tower. But recently, the ban was lifted and the games are back on!

For those of you who don't know, it's a three-round "Guess The Person" kind of game. You split into two teams, each person puts names of celebrities on pieces of paper, and you put the papers into a hat. You draw names and try to get your team to guess the name. BUT! There are three rounds. In the first round, you can say anything about the person on the paper... save their name. In the second round, you can say two words and two words only. "Um", "uh", "agh", "fuck", and "dammit" count! In the third round, you do charades.

I like putting in people who are commonly referred to as That Guys. You know the type... "Oh... right... Peter Gallagher. That guy."

15. D.B. Cooper


1st round: "So... this guy might be dead--I mean, I don't think he is--they never found a body or anything, and yeah, sure, maybe they found some of the money, but like, who knows what happened... this guy is probably teaching jazz sax in a private school in Des Moines right now. Man. That'd be the life. Fuckin'... hijack a plane, jump out the back, spend the rest of your days playing jazz sax. I gotta get me to the airport."

14. Charles Martel

2nd round: "thanks, frenchman"

13. Bela Karolyi

1st round: "Okay! Okay, I got this. This is that guy who like, takes care of those little tiny gymnastic girls in a totally not creepy way."

12. Bela Lugosi

1st round: "Um... shoot... I hope I'm not wrong about this... I think he's that one coach guy? The one who takes care of those little tiny gymnastic girls in a totally not creepy way? You guys, I'm sorry if I'm messing this up..."

11. Jane Goodall

2nd round: "gorillas, mist"

10. Connie Chung

3rd round: Do this.

9. Chelsea Clinton

3rd round: make a really, really, really repulsive face

8. Moses Malone

2nd round: "religious basketball"

7. Buckminster Fuller

1st round: "Oh... cool, this guy lends his name to a family of complex carbon structures called Buckminsterfullerene also known as Bucky Balls. Um, what else, what else, what else. He... uh... was concerned with the question "Does humanity have a chance to survive lastingly and successfully on planet Earth, and if so, how?" He coined and popularizes terms such as "Spaceship Earth", ephemeralization, and synergetics? I wanna say that he was often dismissed as a hopeless utopian? BUT, his proponents, on the other hand, continue to assert that his work has not yet received the attention that it deserves. Yeah. That's about it."

6. Oliver Cromwell

3rd round: pour yourself some tea, mess up your teeth, refer to soccer as football, protect something (preferably England, Scotland, and Ireland)

5. Dennis Quaid

2nd round: "not Randy"

4. Tawny Kitaen

3rd round: do amazingly hot routine on the hood of a car, beat up a major league centerfielder

3. Eugene V. Debs

1st round: "Um... I honestly have no clue at all. This is... oh, gosh, I really don't know. I think he's a poet? No no no no, that's wrong. You guys, this is hard! Can I pass? I can't pass?! Dammit!"

2. Harley Quinn

1st round: "Agh! Frank, I know you put this in... this is bullshit. She's not a real person. Well, you can't just--I mean--what, I can just... just... put in the fucking... Berenstein Bears? Can I put in Crocodile Dundee? How about Tron! Next time I'm putting in Tron. Fucking fictional bullshit. CELEBRITY. As in real, live, actual people."

1. Sun-Yat Sen

1st round: "You guys are dicks. I quit."

1 comment:

Frank said...

Crocidile Dundee is fine, but you can't put in Berenstein Bears. That's a group of celebrities, not a celebrity.

Also, you can't put in Tron, because I've probably already put it in.