Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Top 36 Things Cars Have Been Compared to in Commercials
Note: I have only seen several car commercials. A great deal of these are informed inferences based upon my knowledge of physics, overproof liquor, and the Popol Vuh, the creation text of Pre-Classic Mayan Civilization.
35. Horse hooves
34. Full horses
33. Derek Jeter
32. The German Blitzkrieg
31. American insecurity
30. Frivolous addiction
29. Chrome, split-infintives
28. The slow decay of true love
27. Children, children, everywhere children!
26. Thorstein Veblen's The Theory of Leisure Class
25. 4/7ths of the Deadly Sins (YOU GUESS WHICH ONES!)
24. Unapologetically unbalanced equations
23. Mitral valve prolapse
22. The opposite of inertia
21. Numbers... letters?
20. Panthers of unspecified and non-threatening color
19. Former Minnesota Vikings quarterback Fran Tarkenton
18. J. Geils of J. Geils Band
17. A loveless marriage
16. Something either "crunked up" or "cracked out"... we were too frightened of the spokesman to pay attention
15. A withering tolerance for foreigners
14. Alan Alda
13. The cortico-striatal loop
12. The flying buttress
11. Boston's "More Than a Feeling"
10. That scene in Garden State where they yell into the abyss--they totally connected with the chaotic uncertainty of life in that moment, dawg!
9. Shadowy figures, burning cities
8. Speed Chess
7. Speed 2
6. Bring It On 2: Bring It On Again
5. Bring It On 21: Attention, To Whoever Brought It And Neglected To Label It, It Is Waiting For You By The Customer Service Desk
4. The Dustbowl
3. Mountains (but only the cute ones)
2. Tax-paying moonshiners
1. John McCain 2008