Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Top 36 Things Cars Have Been Compared to in Commercials

Note: I have only seen several car commercials. A great deal of these are informed inferences based upon my knowledge of physics, overproof liquor, and the Popol Vuh, the creation text of Pre-Classic Mayan Civilization.

36. Sharks

35. Horse hooves

34. Full horses

33. Derek Jeter

32. The German Blitzkrieg

31. American insecurity

30. Frivolous addiction

29. Chrome, split-infintives

28. The slow decay of true love

27. Children, children, everywhere children!

26. Thorstein Veblen's The Theory of Leisure Class

25. 4/7ths of the Deadly Sins (YOU GUESS WHICH ONES!)

24. Unapologetically unbalanced equations

23. Mitral valve prolapse

22. The opposite of inertia

21. Numbers... letters?

20. Panthers of unspecified and non-threatening color

19. Former Minnesota Vikings quarterback Fran Tarkenton

18. J. Geils of J. Geils Band

17. A loveless marriage

16. Something either "crunked up" or "cracked out"... we were too frightened of the spokesman to pay attention

15. A withering tolerance for foreigners

14. Alan Alda

13. The cortico-striatal loop

12. The flying buttress

11. Boston's "More Than a Feeling"

10. That scene in Garden State where they yell into the abyss--they totally connected with the chaotic uncertainty of life in that moment, dawg!

9. Shadowy figures, burning cities

8. Speed Chess

7. Speed 2

6. Bring It On 2: Bring It On Again

5. Bring It On 21: Attention, To Whoever Brought It And Neglected To Label It, It Is Waiting For You By The Customer Service Desk

4. The Dustbowl

3. Mountains (but only the cute ones)

2. Tax-paying moonshiners

1. John McCain 2008

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