Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Top 15 Greatest Things About Chuggo

Time to get off my soapbox and write an actually funny list.

So I'm often a little behind on these internet meme things, probably because I hate the internet. HOWEVER, when I had three free iTunes purchases yesterday, I made some pretty good choices (mini-list comin' up kidz):

1. The Theme from The Burg
2. The Theme from "Taxi"'
3. Chuggo's "Ah C'mon"

This third one, if you're not familiar with it, has been circlin' the net for a few months and is the most awesome rap jam this side of Warcraft: the Rap. (Note: do not watch that. It is unfunny and will make you want to kill yourself.) Here, in fully embedded form, is Chuggo's "Ah, C'mon":

For clarification, he's trying to say "fuckin' guy," but yep, it sounds way more like "AAAHHHHHH C'MON FUCK A GUY," which has led to Chuggo's deserved internet fame. So here are the 15 greatest things about Chuggo:

15. "I put mayonnaise on everything / That's how I eat." (2:14)

14. "I treat the pavement like Tampax / 'Cuz some bitches bleed on it."

I hope Chuggo does not actually do with the pavement things that should be done with Tampax.

13. "I grew up inside a strip bar"

Whenever I hear this, it sounds to me like he says "I grew up inside a stripper," which really seems more plausible to me

12. "She brought me to her house / And I put it in her pie"

When he says this, the music video shows a girl holding an actual pie. So...did he like, actually put it in her pie instead of having sex with her?

His apparent down syndrome (constantly)

That inexplicable slow moving/grooving group. (1:55)

Seriously, what the hell are those people doing?

9. When he starts doing what can only be described as a Weird Al impersonation of himself (3:48)

8. "I fuck all day / That's why I stink"

In case you were wondering.

His skull scepter of rap prowess/sexual prowess/doom/+5 charisma (constantly)

6. "See that kid stealing? / That was a thief. / See them dudes behind him? / That's the police"

5. "You want to go against Chuggo, yo fuck that / You want to go against Chuggo, yo fuck that"

4. The fact that his pooping brother is inexplicably black

I wonder what kind of cancer he used to have. (constantly)

2. The way he totally pulverizes that guy in the video with his vicious slap


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