Thursday, August 7, 2008

51 Things that Went Through My Head Chronologically as I Watched the Trailer for the New Oliver Stone Movie W.

1. Oh, sweet, there's finally a trailer for W.
2. I hope this is good.
3. Thanks for approving the trailer for me, MPAA. Where would I be without you?
4. Not watching this trailer, that's for sure.
5. The production company is Lionsgate? Don't they mostly do horror movies?
6. Horror movies like movies about the BUSH PRESIDENCY? Oh God I hate myself.
7. Hehehehe that's our president and he's getting drunk.
8. Oh that's not actually our president this is a movie.
9. Hey, what the hell? That thing where you wear a college sweatshirt and a dress shirt underneath and the dress shirt hangs out around the college sweatshirt...for some reason I think of that as a fashion style only this generation is stupid enough to advocate.
10. But, now, thanks to historical document W., I have been shown the truth.
11. Oh, sweet, they're including that thing where he drove drunk and ran over a trash can and didn't even realize it and drove home with the can lodged under his car.
12. Glad to see that Oliver Stone has done his homework about Bush.
13. Either that or just read the Wikipedia page on his youth.
14. What if your homework was reading Wikipedia pages? I would do homework all the time.
15. But I already do homework all the time. :(
16. In college can you still call it homework? You're not really home. And it's a very juvenile term.
17. Oh my, I just missed 30 seconds of this trailer. Rewind.
18. James Cromwell as H.W. - sweet.
19. H.W. saying, "What do you think you are, a Kennedy?" - not sweet
20. Seriously, I hate jokes like that. Stone knows that a movie about Bush's irresponsible 20s is going to mostly appeal to liberal people, so he throws a bone to them to convince them they can laugh at Democrats, too. "Haha, Kennedy was a womanizer!" It's in no way a good joke, it's just put there to make liberal people feel more secure in laughing about W. It's bullshit.
21. I've seen that kind of stupid joke a lot of times, too. In some bad play I read for a class last year that was pretty much all about how liberals are the best, there was just a "Nader sucks," joke in the middle of nowhere, and it wasn't a good joke. Writers: I give you absolutely no credit for being impartial in which side you attack. Attack the side being stupid, and don't throw off easy jokes in the other direction as if it makes up for the fact that you're opinionated. I like opinionated people.
22. I'm going to come up for a term for this shitty kind of joke.
23. Okay, here's the term: a "reverse pander."
24. As in, did you see last night's episode of South Park? It was about how global warming is bunk but in the end they threw in some Republican poop-joke reverse panders.
25. Haha, that kind of sounds like "reverse pandas." "Republican poop-joke reverse pandas." I want more of those.
26. Rewind.
27. Who is that as Jeb? I can't tell. It looks kinda like that Brad Pitt gypsy character from Snatch.
28. Haha, what if he was in movies about snatch and Bush?
29. That wasn't funny, never mind.
30. You know what is funny, though?
31. Republican poop-joke reverse pandas.
32. Whoa, Laura Bush looks bangin'.
33. I would have sex with Laura Bush. I would. I would have sex with Laura Bush in that movie. This is difficult to type.
34. Who's that girl? Oh, it's the girl from Wet Hot American Summer. Sweet.
36. DADDY!
40. That was a Mystery Science Theater reference if you are too dull to get it.
41. Wait, what? Thandie Newton as Condoleeza Rice! My God, there go all of my Mission: Impossible 2 boners. And I had a lot of Mission: Impossible 2 boners.
43. Okay, well, I think that actually looked quite good. I was worried they were going to go too hamhanded with the presentation of him as a jerk/idiot, but I think they're being pretty faithful to his life from a dramatic standpoint.
44. Like, I read some Oliver Stone thing where he said it would be in the tone of Dr. Strangelove. And I wanted to be all, "That's a pretty damn broad movie. You know that movie was scripted to have a friggin' PIE FIGHT as the last scene? You can't have that be your basis for a biopic. However great a movie it is."
45. And man, it is a great movie. What was Peter thinking with not putting Merkin Muffley on his best fictional presidents list?
46. "Can you imagine how I feel about it, Dmitri?... Why do you think I'm calling you? Just to say hello?... Of course I like to speak to you!... Of course I like to say hello!"
47. That's seriously one of the greatest movie scenes ever.
48. Peter, you're a fool.
49. I should see if I can stick criticism of that choice of Peter's into all of my lists.
50. Anyway, it seems like they're sticking pretty tightly to his life, which is cool, and the cast is sick.
51. Republican poop-joke reverse pandas.

1 comment:

carlyjane said...

jaw dropped and heart happy, trump. this is what you make me.