I found this on the white board in my lab. It was under the heading "Steps of Mitosis". It is art, plain and simple. (I've taken the liberty of including some commentary.)
1. Duplification This is the step at which cells duplify. That is to say, where there was once only one, now there are two or possibly many. 2. Splitatory events After duplification, it is common for the newly duplified cells to attend some splitatory events. Splitation is the process of becoming okay with your recent duplification. It's like a retreat, kind of.
3. Random bondilations While attending splitatory events, some cells get to know each other a little better, and if they are lucky, they sneak out after curfew and bondilate. It's totally random, but also totally hot. These bondilations are the source of genetic mutilation.
4. Methedidical The purpose of this step is purebred bottled batshit insanity. (Either that, or it is a misspelling of "methodical", which makes total sense.)
5. Olfackatory What.
6. Blast or cyst At the end of mitosis, a cell has the choice of being a blast or a cyst. Most cool cells choose blast.