33 Things George Orwell Didn't Write

33. The Life of Gargantua and Pantagruel (Rabelais)

32. Who Moved My Cheese? (Spencer Johnson and Kenneth Blanchard)

31. Wait, We Had Cheese? (Johnson Spencer and Blanche Ard-Kenneth)

30. I Totally Would Have Eaten That Cheese (Me)

29. Oh, The Cheese Moved Itself (Aldous Huxley)

28. Fucking and Punching (Hank Moody but also Mia Cross, kinda)

27. Who Fucked and/or Punched My Cheese? (William Makepeace Thackeray)

26. The Secret Lives of Cats (Val Lindahn and Ron Lindahn)

25. I'm OK, You're OK (Thomas Harris)

24. I'm OK, You're My Sworn Enemy (Hamas Terrorist)

23. I'm OK, You're Cheese (a person who is not cheese)

22. I'm Not OK With the Fact That You Are Cheese, But I Am Otherwise Pretty Good--You Continue To Be Cheese (the same person several days later, after their conscience kicked in)

21. People Who Don't Know They're Dead: How They Attach Themselves to Unsuspecting Bystanders and What to Do About It (Gary Leon Hill)

20. People Who Don't Know They're Cheese: How They Attach Themselves to Unsuspecting Sandwiches and What to Do About It (Leon Hill Gary)

19. You Can't Win (Jack Black, hobo)

18. "The Grand Inquisitor" chapter of The Brothers Karamazov (Fyodor Doestoevsky)

17. People Farm (some animals)

16. Street Talk: Da Official Guide to Hip-Hop & Urban Slanguage (Randy Kearse)

15. "Somebody's Going to Emergency, Somebody's Going to Jail", Episode 2-16 of The West Wing

14. The Big Book Of Lesbian Horse Stories (a collective of lesbian horses, several of which may have also contributed to People Farm)

13. The Life of Samuel Johnson, LL. D. (James Boswell)

12. The Bro Code (Barney Stinson)

11. Deciding the Next Decider: The 2008 Presidential Race in Rhyme (Calvin Trillin)

10. The Master and Margarita (Mikhail Bulgakov)

9. "You Can Never Hold Back Spring", Track 2 on Disc Two of Tom Waits' Orphans

8. The St. Crispin's Day speech from Henry V (Shakespeare or Henry V, whichever one you believe actually existed)

7. The "Every Man a King" speech (Huey Long)

6. Wishful Drinking (Carrie Fisher)

5. A Hero Of Our Time (Mikhail Lermontov)

4. The Unauthorized Biography of George W. Bush (Webster Griffin Tarpley and Anton Chaitkin)

3. The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner (Ben Folds)

2. The Unauthorized Autobiography of Reinhold Messner (A drunk, conflicted Reinhold Messner)

1. We (Yevgeny Zamyatin)