14. The original taint - the perineum
Tain't the balls and tain't the ass!
Similarly, for other useless in-the-middle crap...
13. The facial taint - the philtrum
Tain't the nose and tain't the lips!
12. The nasal taint - the nasal septum
Tain't the left nostril and tain't the right!
11. The manual taint - the ring finger
Tain't the bird and tain't the pinky! (Yeah that's right I'm flippin' off marriage...with a real finger)
10. The Columbia taint - the LLC gate
Tain't Hartley and tain't Wallach! (Note: I am in no way taking credit for inventing this)
9. The weather's taint - sleet
Tain't rain and tain't snow!
8. The taint of milks - 1%
Tain't two and tain't skim!
7. The Harry Potter taint - Chamber of Secrets
Tain't Sorcerer's Stone and tain't Prisoner of Azkaban! (Which were both way better, right guys? Right? ...Right?)
6. The Middle East taint - the Gaza strip
Tain't Israel and tain't Palestine!
5. The NBA's taint - the Golden State Warriors
Tain't the Kings and tain't the Lakers! (Note: the Clippers are actually even lower than a taint)
4. The U.S. presidential taint - right now
Tain't really a Bush presidency and tain't an Obama one!
3. The sports taint - rugby
Tain't football and tain't gang violence! (Almost, but not quite.)
2. The telecommunications taint - Twitter
Tain't texting and tain't blogging!
1. The holiday taint - December 26th to 30th
Tain't Christmas and tain't New Years!