Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Top 16 Good Samaritan Actions You Could Do for the Holidays

The other day, I lost my wallet.  I had used a Metrocard to take the subway uptown back to school, and once I was there, I realized I didn't have my wallet anymore.  I freaked out, cancelled my credit and check cards, and got a new school ID.  Then, I got an e-mail.  Somebody had picked up my wallet.  I called the guy--he didn't want anything from me, just to give me my wallet back.  I tried to get him to at least take the cash in it, and he wouldn't.  He just met me outside a subway stop near where he lived, handed me my wallet, and said, "Happy Holidays!"

This is seriously one of the most amazingly nice things anyone has ever done for me, and he was a complete stranger.  Most people I know wouldn't try to extort someone if they picked up a wallet--but also most people I know--nice as they are--wouldn't take the responsibility by picking up a wallet from the ground (which you know someone dropped by accident) and then try to contact the person.  With all that in mind and with a new belief in humanity and New Yorkers, let me present 16 things you might do for strangers this holiday season.

16. If you see a wallet on the ground, pick it up, leave the cash in it, and return it to its owner.

15. If you see a watch on the ground, pick it up, reset it to your atomic clock at home so it is more exact, then use a Craigslist posting to return it to its owner.

14. If you see a bike that isn't chained up, chain it up, then wait by it until the person who owns it comes back, then unchain it for them.

13. If you see a cell phone on the ground, pick it up, call the first person on the recent calls list, tell them they've won ten dollars, then give it back to the person who actually owns it.  The other person won't get ten dollars but they'll think they're going to for a bit and that will make them happy.

12. If you see a car that's left idling with its keys in it, take it for a spin around the block and then go to an auto body shop to soup it up before you give it back.  Soup it up with big rims and turbo boosters (I don't know anything about cars okay).

11. If you see a lone shoe on the ground, search far and wide until you find its brother shoe.  Then put those shoes together and sell them on eBay.  Then tell the person who bought them they can have them for free.  Then find the person who lost the original shoes and give them a hug.

10. If you see a small bird without a mommy bird, take the bird in and feed it until it soars on wings of its own.

9. If you see a glass that is half empty, fill it a little, so it's less than half-empty.  If you want, you can tell people that now it's half-full, but technically, that would be wrong.

8. If you see a tree whose roots have been exposed in a public place, cordon off the area with orange tape until the grass grows back in to protect the trees nutrient uptake mechanism.

7. If you find a television that someone has thrown in the trash due to a minor electrical malfunction that you can easily fix with your pocket toolkit, do so.  Then, before you return it to its owner, reprogram the television so it can no longer access QVC, because maybe the person knew it the TV could be easily repaired but threw it out because they are addicted to buying things on QVC.

6. If you find a copy of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode "Eegah!" on the ground, I'd like that, bring it to me, thanks.  No, it does not matter who the original owner is in this case.

5. If you give a mouse a cookie, deny him the milk.  It is kinder to be cruel in this case.

4. If you find a boomerang and see a person several hundred feet away looking for a boomerang, don't just throw it at them!  It will come right back to you!  Pick it up and walk it over to them.  Then throw it and it will come back to where you both are.

3. If you find a reason to live, share it with others.  Maybe it is good one for someone who is about to kill him- or herself.

2. If you find a man half-dead with no clothes on the road from Jerusalem to Jericho, bandage his wounds, pouring on oil and wine.  Then put the man on your donkey, take him to an inn, and take care of him.  The next day take two silver coins and give them to the inkeeper, saying, "Look after him, and when I return, I will reimburse you with any extra expense you may have."

1.If you see a wallet on the ground, pick it up, leave the cash in it, and return it to its owner SERIOUSLY SOMEONE DID THIS FOR ME!!!!

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

hehehe

Peter said...

Dear Rachel "Anonymous" Leopold,

Thanks for repping "hehehe" as an appropriate form of internet laughter. Not enough people do this.

Hearts and flowers,
Peter "Peter Mende-Siedlecki" Mende-Siedlecki

Laurence Beumer said...

"If you see a tree whose roots have been exposed in a public place, cordon off the area with orange tape until the grass grows back in to protect the trees nutrient uptake mechanism".. Genius.. No, I don't know how to quote on these forum thingys.