Top 8 Amazing Hypothetical Episodes of TV We Could Watch If the Candidates Were to Go Back in Time and Guest on 90s Sitcoms

I'm not going to explain. This came to me in a dream. Sometimes good things come in dreams, like that guy who discovered benzene rings. Sometimes, this list happens...

8. Fraiser – Fraiser bumps into Barack Obama at a radio station event. Obama, thrilled to meet someone who makes him seem less elitist, agrees to attend a dinner party at Fraiser’s apartment. Fraiser, desperate to seem hip and cool to the new non-white girl in his office (!), hopes that Obama will teach him how to dance. Meanwhile, Mr. Crane meets John McCain at a bar and the two become best friends. Unfortunately, their bro-date to watch The Big Game conflicts with the dinner party! Oh, by the way, Niles can’t stop crushing on Michelle Obama and Daphne can’t stop being tacitly racist!

7. Wings – Obama and McCain are campaigning in Massachusetts, when a freak storm strands them both (!) on Nantucket Island. Sandpiper Air seems to be their best bet out of the Bay State, but everybody at the airport is star-struck. The Steven Weber brother pays off Lloyd to tamper with the charter planes to ensure everyone stays stuck… crazy old Fay is putting the moves on McCain… Antonio Scarpacci is convinced Obama is an immigrant, and therefore the right man for the job… how will the Timothy Daly brother keep everything together?!

6. Suddenly Susan – I am 100% thrilled to report that I cannot recall the premise of Suddenly Susan.

5. Just Shoot Me – Blush does a big piece on both of the candidates, leading to several wacky revelations. Jack is convinced that Barack is a guy from the mailroom and Obama, fun-loving rascal that he is, decides to play along. Meanwhile, Eliot and Maya are desperately trying to drag the mother of all secrets out of Nina—hint: maybe she had an affair with Post-Nam McCain? (!) And, um, Finch does something gross and sexual at several points during the episode.

4. Mad About You – While Jamie campaigns for Obama, Paul is contacted to film attack ads for the McCain campaign. Meanwhile, Cousin Ira’s bookie/mob contact accidentally passes along money to McCain’s coffers. The war for the White House is fought in the Buchman kitchen (!) as Paul and Jamie have a knock-down-drag-out fight. Five minutes later, they decide to have a kid and their dog Murray bumps his head on something. (AHEM! Eds. Note: Laksh gets credit for coming up with the Cousin Ira storyline. She also probably owns all of Mad About You on DVD.)

3. NewsRadio – It’s a family affair this week on NewsRadio, as Jimmy James reveals himself to be Barack Obama’s actual father and Matthew is convinced that John McCain is “his uncle Lester from the farm”. (!) Meanwhile, Dave and Lisa get all worried about whether or not Bill saw them kissing in the supply closet (they’re back together… aaaagain!). At one point, Obama’s campaign bus is broken and Joe hits it with a hammer, magically fixing it! (However, the same hammer can do nothing for McCain’s poll numbers in Florida and Pennsylvania.)

2. Third Rock from the Sun – The Solomons are forced to get politically aware when Dick’s college is selected to host a presidential debate, which Dick is chosen to moderate (!). Sally, favoring judicial restraint and a strong national defense, decides she is a Republican. Tommy, a social progressive with a ponytail, declares himself to be a Democrat. However, since he is too young to vote, he persuades Harry to register in his place, in exchange for a ferret. Nina is mistaken for Michelle Obama and hijinks ensue. During the debate, Dick becomes convinced that McCain is the Big Giant Head and, as such, becomes frantic, agitated, and causes a big ol’ Must-See-TV scene.

1. Northern Exposure – Sarah Palin shoots the town moose from a helicopter. Rob Morrow exacts sweet, sweet revenge (!).