Thursday, October 2, 2008

The Top 15 Words I Made Up Today That Aren't Going To Be In The Dictionary Either

Hey friends! The other day, linked to this selection of words being dropped (gasp!) from the Collins English Dictionary. That gave me the idea to make up a bunch of words that also won't be included. Perhaps they will be in Collins in fifty years or so. (Of course, that's impossible... in fifty years, all of the words in the dictionary will be in binary, because the robots will have taken over. Or the entire dictionary will be the word "BRAINS!", on account of the zombies! OR! THERE WILL BE A DICTIONARY DEDICATED ENTIRELY TO THE VOCABULARY OF THE ZOMBIE VS. ROBOT WAR!!!!!! You guys, the future is going to be the coolest movie ever!)

15. bruxtruous

(adj.) Walking around and acting like your totally the man when, in actuality, you're totally a jag-off and everyone knows it. Ex. "Man, Colin was acting so bruxtruous the other night after he scored the winning touchdown, but everyone knew that Rob had tackled him before he crossed the endzone.”

14. flastigate

(v.) To castigate someone for embarking on a policy of "From now on, I'm gonna be the guy that always brings a flask everywhere." Ex. "Frank really flastigated Pat last night, but to be fair, he had it coming. No one needs to be drinking in a pet store."

13. wontoonly

(adv.) To act in a manner befitting that of a wontoon. Note: the meaning of "wontoon" has been lost to the ages.

12. sidgile

(n.) A hastily-drawn, crudely composed depiction of the male genitalia, like those you might leave on your friends' notebooks while they are looking the other way. Ex. "Caitlin's a sweet girl, but if you take your eye off of her for just a second, you're likely to find your living room covered in sidgiles."

11. enosify

(v.) To turn someone into a person named Enos. Note: this is to be differentiated from “unforced enosification”, in which a person legally changes their name to Enos.

10. ablime

(adj.) Distinguished from the sublime or the less common superblime, possessing no blimes at all. Ex. “Sarah has zero blimes. That girl is totally ablime.”

9. enkiduminosity

(n.) The degree to which one is similar or dissimilar to Enkidu, the friend and companion of Gilgamesh.

8. vontois

(n.) A flaily, wiggling dance-step commonly found at grade school socials. Note: most grade-schoolers are not aware that they are doing the vontois. However, accomplished vonteuses train for many years in France to perfect the step.

7. whask

(n.) A whale mask. Note: scholars have been locked in a century-long debate as to whether the word whask described a mask intended for humans that depicts a whale's face, or rather, a very large, content-unspecific mask designed to be worn by whales. Ex. “Either Tom or a whale wore a whask to a party—it is difficult to tell which, though, because of the vagaries of linguistic history.”

6. martchel

(n.) A satchel worn while marching. Note: this word has lost almost all its meaning due to the fact that like, maybe three people own satchels and even fewer people go marching.

5. squiggiform

(n.) An ancient cave-doodle, usually the work of extremely unskilled cave-artists and abandoned mid-composition. Note: it is extremely possible that some, if not, most squiggiforms are actually early examples of sidgiles.

4. darchist

(n.) A rabid follower of current Kansas City Chiefs longsnapper J.P. Darche. In early 2008, 17 were killed and 156 were severely injured during Pro-Darchist riots in Plattsburg, MO. Wikipedia notes that Darche has "no notable achievements" during his career in the NFL.

3. festoop

(v.) To festoon a stoop. Ex. "Rachel, be a dear and festoop the house with Halloween decorations." Note: the phrase "festoop the stoop" is redundant.

2. dennis

(v.) To obsessively use the word "dennis" in the place of other nouns. Ex. "Rami has a tendency to dennis when he drinks; "Buy me another dennis! What kind of dennis do you drive? Oh man, I threw up all over the dennis," etc... It's really disheartening."

1. trabidity

(n.) The tendency to invent and propagate fake words. Ex. “Aw crap, Peter is such a lame dorky guy. And, um… trabidity. Yeah.”


Rachel said...

This is kind of like you're playing Balderdash with yourself! Kind of!

Sarah said...

I don't know...I feel like ablime has a chance. That guy makes sense.

Football Chick said...

Can you one day reveal your thoughts about this:

El Gigante said...

I am filled with dennis at the prospect of someday soon festooping your doorstep with myself and my dennis. Don't worry, it will be a brief stay and I only brought one dennis.