Monday, October 6, 2008

Top 12 Variations on Chick-Lit

12. prick-lit

This is when you are big ol' jerk of a guy and decide that the best use of your freetime is sitting around and casting your opinions off into the universe for people to stumble upon, even though a) nobody asked for them in the first place and b) no one cares. Also known as blogging. SELF-ZING!

11. Thicke-lit

This is when you are Alan or Robin Thicke and you have decided that you are going to write your autobiography. If you are the former, do not plan on making a lot of money. If you are the latter, you might want to wait, oh, twenty years or so.

10. tick-lit

This is when a book is actually a bomb about to go off.

9. sick-lit

This is when you throw up in a book but keep reading, because it was so engrossing. (That was a sweet joke, you guys. Do you get it? Hint: engrossing. Gross.)

8. Rick-lit

This is when you write a book about 80s pop sensation Rick Astley, and the fact that he was never going to give you up, let you down, run around, hurt you, etc... Incidentally, I bet if you click this link, you will totally not be redirected to a video of Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up."

7. hick-lit

This is when you are a backwoods yokel and you write a book about swimming in a waterhole and cow-tipping. Most likely, your book is full of typographical errors and structural problems.

6. lick-lit

This is when your book is printed on paper that has been coated in various tasty flavors.

5. crick-lit

This is when you are the kind of person who pronounces "creek" as though it rhymes with "chick" and you write a book about it. Very closely related to hick-lit.

4. Mick-lit

This is when a) your book is full of derogatory descriptions of Ireland and Irish people, or b) you are Irish and you decided to write a book about it.

3. trick-lit

This is when you are a magician and you write a book revealing all the secrets behind your tricks. This will probably get you black-balled from the Magician's Alliance.

2. Bic-lit

This is when you write a book with a ballpoint pen. It doesn't really matter what kind of book it is, you just have to make sure that you write the whole thing with a pen. Those "medium is the message" people go crazy for this shit.

1. "Brick"-lit

This is when you write novelizations of the song "Brick" by Ben Folds. And people read your novelization at proms during the last dance, because they don't really get the message. And then afterwards, in the limo, people spend like an hour explaining to them the true meaning of your novelization. And then they get teen-pregnant?

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