6. Luke Thayer will be performing stand-up
Okay, I'll be completely honest, I have not actually met Luke Thayer, nor do I know anything about him. But that is a WILD CARD and if you have ever played Uno then you know what wild cards do (hint: win). Also, I Googled him and found this little profile of him and he looks fun and now I feel creepy.
5. Spare Change will be performing
What will they be performing???? I HAVE NO IDEA!!!! I don't know if Spare Change is an improv group or a sketch group or a rock group or a painting group or a groupie group or a grouper. It is also hard for me to Google them as "spare change" is actually a really common phrase (who knew?). But in this case, consider them an even WILDER card, like Wild Draw Four or something, and you wish you were holding a lot of those cards like you wish you had a lot of Spare Change (onstage and in your pocket).
4. I heard two weeks ago was a damn good time
I'll come clean that I wasn't there two weeks ago (I might've been in the audience, but instead I was doing five minutes at an open mic that was totally LAMER than this could ever possibly be!), but all reports back from the event were a positive and rockin' good time. I have no reason to believe that this week will be any less rockin' and may even be more rockin'???? IT IS UP TO YOU, THE VIEWER!!! but not really but the people who it is actually up to will be on their top form.
3. Justin Grace and James Michael Pullan ("The Calgary Whalers") will be hosting
Okay, here are some people that I know or half of a group of people that I know or something. They will probably be doing some combination of talking-at-ya and sketches, and I know from PERSONAL, PRIVATE experience, that Justin Grace is a funny fellow. I do not actually know his good friend James Michael Pullan (and I cannot imagine that he goes by all three of those cumbersome names), but I can only assume that Justin would not consort with a man who was not also kneeslapper-inducing. Plus I heard their stuff was good last time.
2. Michael Grinspan will be performing stand-up
You know Michael Grinspan from Chowdah, The Fed, the creation of "Fascbook: the Facebook Group for Fascist[s]," and general campus visibility. I know Michael Grinspan from a hole in the wall, but just barely, as he was behind the hole in the wall last time I stuck my penis in it as part of a formulaic joke (I don't know what that meant). Michael Grinspan has on occasion made the rafters ring with laughter so that their ringing shattered glass and it was the glass that the rafters were made of in a house of glass where I was throwing stones and what the hell stop writing Rob. Plus, I heard his stuff was good last time.
1. I will be performing stand-up
Are you kidding? This is totally the reason you want to go most. I am hilarious. I will be hilarious for ten minutes. STRAIGHT.