So, I actually wrote this list for McSweeneys, but they weren't cool enough for it (that is what their e-mail actually said, and no, you can't see it), so it's goin HEE-YAH!
7. The early bird gets the monopoly on worm trade.
6. All that glitters can be marketed as gold
5. A friend in need is a chump.
4. A rose by any other name would reduce in cultural relevance and fetch less on an open market.
3. If it's not broken, charge to not fix it.
2. Count your chickens before, after, and while they hatch. Someone is trying to steal your chickens.
1. In the land of the blind, the cane salesman is king.
Rob and Peter should pay Paul.Wait. No. That would suck! Paul should pay us!
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