Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Top 8 Children Who Were Left Behind

First of all, I would like to point out that our blog's new official shorthand name, PARMLOT, is basically like Camelot but covered in grated Parmesan.  As if medieval England wasn't delicious enough already!!!

Second, I am currently watching the presidential debate, and No Child Left Behind is being discussed.  I'm sorry to say that this is going to be a more serious list, as I know for a fact that the policy is a failure.  In fact, several children I know personally have been left behind.  They are:

8. Connor Johnson, 7

Connor's family was at a gas station the other day and he was in the bathroom but everyone forgot that he wasn't in the car and then they just left without him just drove the fuck off and God did he cry when he realized they forgot about him he sure did cry.

7. Danielle Barker, 4

The other kids were going to go play baseball and not only was Danielle only four but she was a girl which they all made fun of her for a lot and anyway then they went and played baseball and left her behind and she was all alone so alone so alone.

6. Barry Vincent, 12

Barry was running the mile in his gym class and he's kind of chubby okay not huge but kinda big-boned and as if he doesn't get enough crap from the other kids already they all left him in the dust while he was running and eventually he kinda gave up and started walking which as you can imagine they made fun of him to no end about it and Jesus guys just leave Barry alone he doesn't care that it takes him 13 minutes to pretty much walk a mile it's just not that important to him okay?

5. Jean Carson, 9

Jean was left behind by a shitty public school system.

4. Garth Topanga, 5 hours old

Garth was left behind a dumpster.

3. Corey Hart, currently 37

Corey Hart was left behind by America in the early 90s.

2. Sandy Jeter, 13

It Sandy's birthday okay and all she really wanted to do was have a good time with her friends they were going to go to the park and she was all like no mom I don't want you to throw a party for me this year this year I will get all of my good friends to just go to the park with me and they all started going to the park there were only five of them but Sandy thought it was going pretty well and then they told her to look behind her because there was something crazy (I forget what) but when she looked back they had all ditched her and it was the saddest thing ever.

1. Sentient Portside Buttock, 3

Sentient Portside Buttock is, and always will be, left behind.

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