Monday, November 17, 2008

Top 31 Deleted Chapters from Nietzsche's "Ecce Homo"

Oh man. Have you nerds read Ecce Homo? It is ridiculous. It's basically a look back at Nietzsche's career as a philosopher/baller-extraordinaire and it boasts the greatest chapter titles of any book ever. Here's a taste: "Why I Am So Clever"... "Why I Write Such Good Books"... and my personal favorite, "Why I Am a Destiny".

Anyway, that got me thinkin'...

31. Why I Am Basically the Coolest

30. Why I Rock Harder Than You Can Even Dream

29. Why I Can Type Faster Than You

28. Why I Have Superpowers

27. Why I Have Razor-Sharp Claws

26. Why I Have a Four-Octave Vocal Range

25. Why I Jump Higher and Farther Than Most People

24. Why My Heart Is Made of Metal and My Brain Is Made of Heart

23. Why Batman Is Actually a Documentary About My Life

22. Why I Am In Your Base, Killing Your Dudes

21. Why I Am Totally Free to Just Take All Your Money

20. Why I Came Up With the Idea for Legends of the Hidden Temple--(Happy Birthday, Kirk Fogg!)

19. Why I Can Go All Night Long

18. Why I Can Shoot Bullets Out of My Hands

17. Why If You Prick Me, I Actually Don't Bleed

16. Why I Can Play Like, Seven Different Instruments

15. Why I Am Quite Good Friends With Several Television Stars

14. Why My Other Car Is Your Car

13. Why I Have Yet To Be Prosecuted For Stealing Your Car

12. Why I Am the All-Time "All-Time Quarterback"

11. Why I Can See the Future and Change the Past

10. Why I Can Talk to Animals

9. Why I Can Listen to Plants

8. Why I Am Such a Baller

7. Why I Declined a Lucrative Contract from So So Def Records (and thus did not appear in the Philosopherz Rap)

6. Why I Invented the Phrase "Hanging Out"

5. Why I Am Frequently Mistaken for a God

4. Why I Am Not Exactly God, but Am Still Totally Just as Good as He Is

3. Why God and I Are BFFs

2. Why God Gave Me an Enormous Penis

1. Why God Sometimes Calls Me For No Reason, Just to Talk

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