Top 16 People Obama Should Appoint to His Cabinet and Such

I woke up in Caitlin's bed this morning, no idea where my glasses were. I took a victory cab-ride to work and blared "A Change is Gonna Come" on my iPod. I saw the kids piling off the buses arriving from Pennsylvania and Virginia, dazed and delirious... for once enjoying their hangovers as they trudged back onto the Columbia campus. The newspaper stand was already sold out of the Times. I gave a thought to settling for the Post, but thought better of it.

Taxis were still cutting each other off, Medvedev had started saber-rattling... hell, it was even raining. But as we rolled past the Happy Warrior Playground and my head started to throb with joy, all I could do was smile.

16. Bill Richardson - Secretary of State

Warning. I don’t plan on taking this seriously from here on out. However, I love me some Billy Rich. I just wanna pinch those chubby cheeks.

15. Robert Kennedy, Jr. - Head of the EPA

MOOOOOOOORE KENNEDYS!!!

14. Mr. Moneybags - Secretary of the Treasury

First cartoon cabinet member. Whole new meaning to change you can believe in. Because that’s kind of the only money I have in my pockets right now. Change.

13. Terry Tate - Secretary of Defense

OOH! I can be the Official Presidential Punnist. NICE! First on the docket—a chuckle-worthy rewrite of the Bill of Rights. More like… Bill of BITES, because that’s what it does! (Eds. Note: I am and always have been a proponent of our nation’s Bill of Rights.)

12. Whoever plays Sarah Palin in “Nailin’ Paylin” – Secretary of the Interior

That sure was a wacky collection of half-hearted stabs at jokes.

11. Keith Olbermann – Communications Director

He can do a segment every week called “Worst Person in the White House” where he calls out low-level staffers for not refilling the coffee machine after they take the last cup of joe.

10. Nate Silver – Joey Lucas from The West Wing

Remember when Marlee Matlin played that deaf super-pollster? That was the coolest! FiveThirtyEight’s bespectacled boy-wonder is a dead ringer, except for the fact that he is non-fictional.

9. Josh Lyman and Sam Seaborn – just ‘cuz!

No, seriously though, tab Aaron Sorkin for go-to speechwriter. The time for Studio 60-absolution has come.

8. The National – White House band

Except all they will ever play is “Mr. November”.

7. Mike Gravel – Secretary of Rocks

Nailed it!

6. Guitar Hero – Secretary of Rocking

Nailed it, Pt. 2!

5. David Axelrod – Minister of Mustaches

Chuck Dodd should get some serious consideration for Chief Administrator of Eyebrows, too.

4. Crazy McCain Lady – Cleared of all wrongdoing, given own talk show called “Things I Heard”, instructed never to wash her hair.

3. Tina Fey – Gets an Official Presidential Hug!

2. Shawn Johnson – America’s New Mascot!

1. And finally, Obama should make the most of his opportunity to appoint the first All-Viral Supreme Court.

The Viral President needs to pack the bench with like-minded individuals. Obama Girl, Rick Astley, Will.I.Am, and just for s’s and g’s, throw on the Chocolate Rain dude and the Charlie Bit Me kid.

As for policy? www.barackobamaisyournewbicycle.com is officially changed to www.yournewbicycleispresident.com.