In classic two-sides-of-the-coin fashion, yesterday Peter lauded Edgewater, NJ, for having such excellent taste as to visit this blog with disproportionate frequency. Today, I return to Google Analytics data to give a hearty "fuck you" to the 7 states that have not yet known us. And yeah, we're pretty awesome for reaching the 43 others. And yeah, I realize that I'm insulting states that have not actually rejected us, but rather not discovered us yet. And yeah, I realize that I'm insulting states.
Well, you're where the river ends, aren't you? Yeah, you suck. For not coming to our blog. This list is going to be aggressive, okay?
Oh, the "first state"? Congratulations. You are also the first shitty state.
5. South Dakota
You're like North Dakota, but with ONE notable attraction! Instead of zero!
In addition to producing the dumbest high-school joke ever ("you da ho--I da ho!") you are also filled with disgusting potatos. Potatos are like food but shitty.
Really? Wyoming? What cartographical error made you a state?
Here's a recent development that I love: blaming the passing of Prop 8 not on black people but instead on the Mormon church, which is so much more eminentely hateable. Supposedly, Mormons raised at least $20 million and made up 80 to 90 percent of people in California who knocked on doors to try to ensure Prop 8's passing. I don't know why I'm discussing this at such length, because I all really want to get to is this: fuck Mormons. I hate Mormons. They think Jesus came to America. That's stupid. Fuck Mormons hard.
Here's a fact: 6 of the 7 states that haven't visited us so far are states that went to McCain in this most recent presidential election. So...I'm not just trying to stake our claim to being liberal elite bloggers who are "just writin' garbage" about Sarah Palin, but yeah, Peter and I are basically both LIEberals, which are I guess people who lie about being liberals? I'm pretty bad at getting what puns mean. In conclusion, if you are from Montana, I hate you and goodnight.