Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Top 8 Albums I Consider Perfect
Top 55 Things To LOL At
55. lol recycling
54. lol snowy owls
53. lol coral reefs
52. lol energy efficiency
51. lol net neutrality
50. lol conflict diamonds
49. lol veterans of foreign wars
48. lol globalization
47. lol privatization
46. lol the housing bubble
45. lol stimulus package
44. lol bipartisanship
43. lol monogamy
42. lol two-state solution
41. lol reparations
40. lol universal health care
39. lol Large Hadron Collider
38. lol quagmire
37. lol caves
36. lol Mohammed
34. lol Jesus the prophet
33. lol Jesus the son
32. lol no child left behind
31. lol children
30. lol childhood
29. lol adulthood
28. lol voter apathy
27. lol yes we did
26. lol mavericks
25. lol lipstick on a pitbull
24. lol Joe the Plumber
23. lol Joe the Biden
22. lol viral presidency
21. lol AIDS virus
20. lol A-Rod
19. lol the love of the game
18. lol the book of love
17. lol the line of David
16. lol David at the dentist
15. lol Charlie bit me
14. lol Chocolate Rain
13. lol Purple Rain
12. lol bad moon rising
11. lol China on the rise
10. lol Israel and Palestine
9. lol Florida and Ohio
8. lol Tom and Katie
7. lol the levies
6. lol Kanye West
5. lol West Africa
4. lol East Berlin
3. lol North Korea
2. lol the South will rise again
1. lol tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow
Monday, February 23, 2009
Top 1 Video of Me Doing Stand-Up Available on the Internet
Top 10 Most Ridiculous State Mottos
10. Kansas, "To the stars through difficulties"
Note: Do not trust the Kansas Space Program.
9. Maine, "I direct"
But what I really want to do is... produce?
8. Massachusetts, "By the sword we seek peace, but peace only under liberty"
...but only liberty on Thursdays, and only Thursdays with a lunch special, and only if they have cheese fries, but actually, if the cheese isn't muenster, forget it...
7. Oregon, "She flies with her own wings"
The next big hit from Sarah McLachlan.
6. Alaska, "North to the future"
This sounds like the wackiest mashup of North and Back to the Future. Someone make that, immediately.
5. Texas, "Friendship"
Attention, Texas. "Friendship" is not a motto. It is a word. Aside from that, it is a song from Anything Goes. Maybe you should just take "Anything goes" as your motto. Seems more fitting. (Also, speaking of Texas... a big ol' "Well done!" to Texan friend-of-the-blog Grace Parra, who's writing about bakeries for The Examiner these days! If you live in LA, you should probably go to all these bakeries she writes about.)
4. Michigan, "If you seek a beautiful peninsula, look around you"
Incidentally, this is also the B-side to Britney Spears' "If You Seek Amy".
3. New Mexico, "It grows as it goes"
Leave it to the Land of Enchantment to have a statewide dick joke for a motto.
2. North Carolina, "To be rather than to seem"
I have been to North Carolina and can attest to the accuracy of this motto. You get there and it seems kinda lame... then you realize it is kinda lame.
1. Maryland, "Manly deeds, womanly words"
Welcome to Maryland, the Tranny State!
Sunday, February 22, 2009
OSCAR LIVE BLOG! YOU KNOW IT, SUCKA!
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Top 6 Matchups of Kid Things vs. their Adult Analogues
Friday, February 20, 2009
Top 9 Articles in the Journal Science in the Past Few Months
9. Queen Ants Make Distinctive Sounds That Are Mimicked by a Butterfly Social Parasite
Francesca Barbero, Jeremy A Thomas, Simona Bonelli, Emilio Balletto, and Karsten Schönrogge, published 6 February 2009
Sounds made by queen ants denoting rank are copied by the larvae and pupae of a parasitic butterfly, facilitating their infiltration into ant colonies.
"We conclude that acoustical mimicry provides another route for infiltration for ~10,000 species of social parasites that cheat ant societies."
Finally, the scientists are speaking for the ants.
8. Broadband Ground-Plane Cloak
R. Liu, C. Ji, J. J. Mock, J. Y. Chin, T. J. Cui, and D. R. Smith, published 16 January 2009
An automated design process arranges thousands of metamaterial components to cloak an object on a metal surface.
"The possibility of cloaking an object from detection by electromagnetic waves has recently become a topic of considerable interest."
UM WHY WAS I NOT NOTIFIED ABOUT INVISIBILITY CLOAK RESEARCH!?!!? CHERYL, GET THE EFF IN HERE YOU ARE SO FRIGGIN' FIRED!!!
7. Strong Release of Methane on Mars in Northern Summer 2003
Michael J. Mumma, Geronimo L. Villanueva, Robert E. Novak, Tilak Hewagama, Boncho P. Bonev, Michael A. DiSanti, Avi M. Mandell, and Michael D. Smith, published 20 February 2009
Earth-based spectrometers have detected seasonal variations of methane emissions from certain locations on Mars in 2003.
"In northern midsummer, the principal plume contained ~19,000 metric tons of methane, and the estimated source strength (≥0.6 kilogram per second) was comparable to that of the massive hydrocarbon seep at Coal Oil Point in Santa Barbara, California."
MARS FARTED!!!
6. Avian Paternal Care Had Dinosaur Origin
David J. Varricchio, Jason R. Moore, Gregory M. Erickson, Mark A. Norell, Frankie D. Jackson, and John J. Borkowski, published 19 December 2008
The large egg clutches of troodontid and oviraptor dinosaurs and evidence that fossils of brooding dinosaurs were males shows that paternal care was ancestral to birds.
"To assess parental care in Cretaceous troodontid and oviraptorid dinosaurs, we examined clutch volume and the bone histology of brooding adults."
Heh, heh... broody dinosaurs boning.
5. Brown Clouds over South Asia: Biomass or Fossil Fuel Combustion?
Örjan Gustafsson, Martin Kruså, Zdenek Zencak, Rebecca J. Sheesley, Lennart Granat, Erik Engström, P. S. Praveen, P. S. P. Rao, Caroline Leck, and Henning Rodhe, published 23 January 2009
Biomass burning accounts for at least one-half of carbon-rich aerosols in the Asian atmospheric brown cloud that forms each winter.
Brown Clouds over South Asia: Biomass, Fossil Fuel Combustion... OR AWESOME PROG-ROCK CONCEPT ALBUM TITLE!?!?!?!
4. The Spreading of Disorder
Kees Keizer, Siegwart Lindenberg, and Linda Steg, published 12 December 2008
Upon observing signs of social disorder (such as littering or graffiti), individuals are more likely to disobey a variety of social rules, including prohibitions against theft.
"Imagine that the neighborhood you are living in is covered with graffiti, litter, and unreturned shopping carts. Would this reality cause you to litter more, trespass, or even steal?"
Wait, wait, wait... what's wrong with unreturned shopping carts? You can't play with them if you return them!
3. Selfish Genetic Elements Promote Polyandry in a Fly
T. A. R. Price, D. J. Hodgson, Z. Lewis, G. D. D. Hurst, and N. Wedell, published 21 November 2008
Genes that confer a deleterious sex ratio in Drosophila also decrease male fertility and promote repetitive mating in females, providing a possible explanation of polyandry.
"It is unknown why females mate with multiple males when mating is frequently costly and a single copulation often provides enough sperm to fertilize all a female's eggs."
Yah, tell me about it. HOLLER!
2. A Great-Appendage Arthropod with a Radial Mouth from the Lower Devonian Hunsrück Slate, Germany
Gabriele Kühl, Derek E. G. Briggs, and Jes Rust, published 6 February 2009
Fossil evidence for the great-appendage arthropods extends to more recent periods by about 100 million years.
"Schinderhannes bartelsi shows an unusual combination of anomalocaridid and euarthropod characters, including a highly specialized swimming appendage."
Yeah, those arthropods better have a radial mouth if their appendages are so great. (Prehistoric entomology and blowjob jokes do mix!)
1. Harmonic Convergence in the Love Songs of the Dengue Vector Mosquito
Lauren J. Cator, Ben J. Arthur, Laura C. Harrington, and Ronald R. Hoy, published 20 February 2009
Male and female mosquitoes change their wing beat frequencies to match each other as a prelude to mating.
"These findings revise widely accepted limits of acoustic behavior in mosquitoes."
Awwwwww, groundbreaking and adorable!