Sunday, April 19, 2009

54 "Band Interests" of Asher Roth, According to his Facebook Page

Dear The World,

If you haven't heard of Asher Roth yet, please prepare to meet the worst human being alive.  Are you mentally ready yet?  Okay, here he is: no embedding, so click here.

I have some difficulties expressing exactly what disgusts me so wholly about Asher Roth, though I will attempt in a future post.  Until then, please enjoy this vomit-inducing list of Asher's "band interests" on Facebook.  I'm fairly certain that this is actually just a list of everything he has ever heard of.

1. happiness
2. health
3. 70 and sunny
4. good weed
5. good people
6. mario 3
7. water
8. breathing
9. walks
10. naps
11. starting chants
12. rock paper scissors
13. seeing
14. doing
15. making up words
16. people watching
17. dreaming
18. psychoanalysis
19. space
20. gambling
21. 4 am
22. battle dances
23. watching people hurt themselves
24. scares
25. teleporting
26. not paying attention
27. coincidences
28. pick up lines
29. hiding the fact that I'm a rapper
30. 11:11
31. trying to meditate
32. green tea
33. soft boiled eggs
34. making out
35. booty
36. cleavage
37. intelligent conversations
38. dares
39. patron shots
40. jack and ginger
41. singles up the middle
42. not washing jeans for months
43. 3 move checkmate
44. manipulation/mind control
45. turkey salsalito
46. mtv jams
47. ehonda's 100 hand slap
48. cloning
49. lunar/solar eclipses
50. prank calls
51. ruining pictures
52. smoothies
53. making vulgar rap songs
54. breakfast

The existence of 35-37 alone, whether or not it was intentionally ironic, should be enough to legally put this man to death.  Also, everything else.  Though I admit that I agree with 23 if that "people" is Asher Roth, and he hurts himself in a way that horribly disfigures him forever.  No thanks to Lauren Glover, who discovered this abomination of a found art trainwreck.

1 comment:

Lakshmi said...

I don't know who you think you are. Asher Roth is the hottest, most handsome, coolest guy around.