Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Top 2 Boys Who Are All Grown Up Today!

2. Rob Trump
Today is the day that Rob Trump graduates from Columbia College and enters the exciting-slash-crippling phase of real life they call "Real Life"! (If I were in his shoes right now, I'd probably go off and watch Kicking and Screaming a whole bunch. Also, if I were in his shoes right now, THOSE WOULD BE SOME CROWDED SHOES, HUH ROB!?)

Anyway, in honor of the man/the day/the moment, here is a brief history of Rob:

198? - Rob is born.
1989 - Rob learns to rant.
1991 - Rob makes his first million.
Later in 1991 - Rob loses his first million in a risky "exciting opportunity" investment.
1993 - Rob is drafted by the San Diego Chargers.
Later that day in 1993 - Rob refuses to play for the San Diego Chargers, his rights are traded to the New York Giants for two first round draft picks, a third rounder, and a fifth rounder in 1994.
1994 - Rob sweeps the Latin Grammys.
1997 - Rob publishes his first memoir, A BRIEF HISTORY OF PAIN.
1999 - Rob dies.
The next day, 1999 - Rob is buried.
The day after that, 1999 - On the third day, Rob rose again, in fulfillment of predictions made in his first memoir, A BRIEF HISTORY OF PAIN.
2000-2006 - Rob wanders the earth in search of one that is pure of heart.
2007 - Rob attends Space Camp, is granted his release from the New York Giants, and admits to using performance enhancing drugs. His Latin Grammys are forfeited.
2008 - Rob co-founds Peter and Rob Make Lists of Things.
2009 - Rob wins?!

1. My Dad
It's my Dad's birthday! Happy Birthday, Dad! This is the only time when it is okay for the Yankees to sweep the Twins. Also, congrats on beating surgery! Surgery came a-callin' and was all, "Hey Peter's Dad, I'm here to ruin your day." But my dad is too cool for that; he just goes, "LET IT BEGIN!" and then lightning crashed and everything. True story.

Here is a brief list of Medals of Excellence that my father has won:

1951 - Presidential Medal of Fitness Excellence
1957 - Town of Tonawanda All-Around Swell Guy Medal of Excellence
1964 - Our Lady of Czestochowa's Annual Pierogi Bake Medal of Piety (and Excellence)
1968 - The Students for a Democratic Society's Pancho Villa Memorial Medal of Excellence
1969 - The Beard Club of America's Medal of Barbaric Excellence
1972 - Medal of Honorary Excellence, presented by The Paratrooping English Professors' Brigade
1979 - The Ford Pinto Survival Club's Medal of Excellence
1982 - Medal of Fervor, presented by the National Congress of Poetic Ballplayers and Ballplaying Poets
1985 - Medal of Consistent Excellence, presented upon the birth of his fifth son by the National Society for the Protection and Promotion of Men
1989 - United Nations Medal of Diplomatic Excellence, presented upon his single-handed unification of Germany
1993 - The Western New York Mothers Against Youth Curveballs' Medal of Excellent Reticence
1995 - Snazzy Prof Mag's Annual Medal of Earring Excellence
1998 - The National Fiction Council's Medal of Excellence for Lifetime Achievement in Fiction and/or Story-Telling, presented following a month-long ruse regarding a pair of gold corncob holders I was supposed to receive for my birthday
2000 - The National Sawdust Council's Medal of Excellence for Lifetime Achievement in Pounds of Sawdust Produced
2003 - Rutherford B. Hayes Lookalike Club Medal of Excellence
2006 - Medal of Most Valuable Excellence, Buffalo Old Guy Hockey League
2009 - Medal of Total Friggin' Excellence, presented by Peter and Rob Make Lists of Things, for telling his class to visit our site.

1 comment:

Dad said...

Thanks, Kid. Just what I needed after the catheter. Dad