Friday, September 19, 2008

Top 5 Reasons I’m Glad I’m Out of College

5. My apartment doesn’t have an RA.

No one will ever knock on my door and say, “Hi… I know I’m a member of the same peer group as you and it’s frankly odd that I’m not partying with you right now, but could you possibly tone the noise and/or substance use down, because there are people on this floor who aren’t as cool as you and your friends.” That being said… we don’t throw a lot of parties anymore. Oh well.

4. Foreign people are, at best, just mildly sketchy other people.

…As opposed to in college, when being foreign meant you a) had an inherently gifted understanding of human nature, b) were probably some type of royalty, and at least owned some type of villa, c) operated on an elevated aesthetic plane, and finally, d) were God’s gift to sex.

3. I can get a drink at a bar or a meal at a restaurant without running into anyone I know.

It’s nice to meet someone who hasn’t already formulated opinion on you based on your comment in your Ignorance in Science seminar or that tacitly racist joke you made at an improv show, and vice versa. That being said, graduation means an end to campus celebrity. In real life, you’re either actually famous or you’re just not. Or you have a blog. (Or you compensate by having famous friends.)

2. I never, ever wake up in the middle of the night thinking, “Oh, frig—I have to write that paper!”

That being said, this doesn’t mean you won’t have stress dreams about papers you have due. Is it weird that I still have dreams about the last (three) papers of college? Oh man… that was a RIDICULOUS day. One paper on empathy for Soc Cog, one on hamster sex for Neurobio of Sex, and one on the cellular bases of memory formation… all in one day. And of course, all I could think was how apropos each paper was for that particular day. ZING!

1. Um… I dunno if y’all realize this, but the good times do not end at 21.

‘Nuff said! I have to finish this list ‘cause I got a party to go to!

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