Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Top 9 Slang Terms I Tried to Make Happen

I could make these up and it would probably be funnier, but it is actually true that I've been obsessed for a long time with trying to start using a slang term that would catch on.  Here are some of my attempts:

9. "51 cent"

Peter and I came up with this one a while ago.  It is a simple term for those souvenir flattened pennies that you can buy at a lot of tourist attractions.  It's very low on the list because it has limited applications, but it's a pretty sweet name (in reference to--if you can't tell--the price of the pennies).  Here is an example of usage:

Me: "Yo, Peter, I just got a 51 cent with the World Trade Center on it."
Peter: "Ace."

8. "8 Mile'd"

Let's be honest first, the movie 8 Mile was awful.  But the strategy Eminem uses near the end of it, where he (in a rap battle) admits directly to a lot of bad things about himself so that the other guy will look stupid if he tries to say anything mean to him, struck me as something that needed a slang term.  So I started 8 Mile'ing people and then telling them that they just got 8 Mile'd.  Moral of the story: now everyone knows that I fucked a peanut butter sandwich.  This was not such a good slang term.

7. "That's made up"

This is something relatively new that I've been saying recently because it's pretty fun to say.  It's a dismissal of something, most frequently used with something that's not ACTUALLY made up, but seems made up, or you wish were made up.  For example:

Peter: Did you hear that there's a movie coming out called The Family that Preys?  Like, "preys" with a fucking e?
Rob: That's made up.

I haven't really kicked it into full gear and tried to make this one catch on yet, but I may soon.

A similar one that I used to do but don't as much any more is "That's not real."

6. "I dig it like a pony"

This one seemed fool-proof.  I was so convinced that this one was going to catch on, because it
1) plays off an already popular slang phrase ("I dig it"...or that one dude in The Warriors: "CAN YOU DIG IT???")
2) makes reference to something that is both widespread and hip (The Beatles)

Eventually, I think it failed because it takes too long to say.  Seven syllables to express your approval is admittedlty a lot.

5. "Tole"

Okay, I didn't I actually came up with this myself, or at least I don't think I did.  However, the lack of an Urbandictionary entry for this word, which is internet slang for "totally" that can also be used in real life, leads me to believe that it's not actually any sort of accepted use, and some friend of mine probably started doing this and I just picked it up.  Come forth, friend of mine who invented this great and spread-worthy slang term!

4. "Manual sex"

This doesn't really count as a "slang term" per se--in fact, in a lot of ways, it's the opposite of a slang term: I'm trying to create a more codified general term to replace the slang.  Here's what I mean, at the risk of sounding vulgar (which Lord knows this blog does NOT do): fellatio and cunnilingus, or whatever slang you want to use for them, both fit under the category of "oral sex."  However, there is no gender neutral term for handjob/fingering (I'm sorry I told you this would get gross), hence, a very sensible one on which we can all agree: manual sex.  This is going to catch on yet, I'm telling you.

3. "Ace"

Let me be specific: this is "ace" used as an adjective, often with an expletive added as an adverbial modifier.  For instance: "That's fuckin' ace."  I had been working on this one for a few years (2-3, I think), and then I recently discovered that Jake and Amir were making it happen too, but kind of ironically:

Well, I'm not going to claim I was the first person to use the word that way, but I was tole doing it before Jake and Amir.  I am, however, glad, that they started it up as well, because it's a damn good slang word.

2. "Hangin' preps, no regrets"

This is one of the ones I'm working hardest on (hangin' preps, no regrets) right now.  You say it after you just left a preposition hanging and you don't even give an eff 'cuz you know how ace you are.

1. "Meatbone"

This one is almost certainly the best, and has a great chance of catching on.  It was developed collaboratively with several people after I noticed the demand for such a term.  (I believe Tobin Mitnick gets the actual credit for suggestion this specific word.)  The term "meatbone" refers to when a conceit of fiction occurs in real life.  Most of the more obvious examples are visual, cartoony ones: for instance, someone slips on a banana peel, or someone holds up an entire intact fish skeleton, or a cat watches a fish in a fishbowl with its eyes moving back and forth, or someone chows down on a big hunk of nondescript meat attached to a bone that serves as a handle (from whence the name is derived).  But it also applies to when aspects of life follow certain stereotypical fictional routes: if your wife was actually having sex with the pool boy, for example, that would be an excellent meatbone (though not too excellent for you, you cuckold).  A list of the top meatbones is forthcoming.

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