Top 8 Things Casey Affleck Has Done (For America?)

Yo. A while back, Rob accused Casey Affleck of coattail riding. A little after that, he wrote about his BJ Novak man-crush. Well, guess what, sportsfans. I'm going to kill two related birds (Birds that are brothers? BYRDS that are brothers?!) with one list-shaped stone!

Here are eight great things Casey Affleck has done (each thing happens to be a movie), and therefore, eight great reasons to have a mancrush on Casey Affleck!

8. American Pie
In a blink-and-you'll-miss-him role, Casey plays Thomas Ian Nichols' big bro, which is for some reason hilarious to me. Thomas Ian Nichols... is he okay? I worry about him. I mean, you kind of want to know that the Rookie of the Year kid is doing alright. Maybe he needs a blanket or some sandwiches. I should give him a call. (Full disclosure: I don't have his number or address, on account of I don't know him for real.) Oh well. This is a list about Casey Affleck, not Thomas Ian Nichols. (Also, note: About half the time when I type Casey Affleck, I accidentally type "Casey Afflecky". WEIRD.)

7. To Die For
This is one of those movies that comes on TBS every two months or so and I always end up watching half of. This is to say, unfortunately, that I have never seen To Die For in its entirety in one sitting, but I've always meant to, and to me, that's what counts. Like I meant to go abroad junior year, but I got kinda busy. Like I meant to get my French up to conversational speed, the situation where I needed it never cropped up. Like I meant to cut down on coffee, but the thing is, I love coffee. Anyway, I don't see anything glaringly wrong with this movie, so maybe someday, I'll watch the whole thing.

6. Gerry
You know what is a fun name/word to say? Gerry! Gerry gerry gerry. Gerry reminds me of gerry-mandering, which is an equally fun word to say, if not a horrible practice. Gerry reminds me of when I used to do improv and most people in our scenes ended up getting named "Gerald". Gerry reminds me of a not-so-offensive-anymore ethnic slur against Germans--a group of which I am a part! Gerry is also a Gus Van Sant movie, I guess... in which Casey and Matt Damon walk around the desert. Then one of them dies? Guys, I fell asleep during Gerry.

5. 200 Cigarettes
Listen. I have needs. This movie fulfilled that need. I don't know why MTV knew that I needed a film set in the 80's where Paul Rudd hooks up with Courtney Love in a bathroom, Jay Mohr takes Kate Hudson's V-card, Dave Chappelle drives a cab, and Elvis Costello shows up for like, two seconds, but then again, I don't know why we were put here on this green earth, either. Maybe to enjoy 200 Cigarettes. Oh, Casey shows up in a dark alley, wearing weird Punk-New Wave makeup and hair. IT IS WORTH A LOOK, OKAY.

4. Ocean's Eleven
I think Ocean's Eleven is the Halloween of movies. (I'm not saying that it's particularly scary or something during which parents should be on guard against child predators.) Ocean's is a romp, it's fun, it's full of grown men playing pretend and acting like kids--hell, it's a bunch of guys pretending to be guys pretending to be other guys. (That's like a quote from Tropic Thunder or something!) And Casey's right there in the middle of it... goofin' off with Scotty Caan, in my second favorite Scotty Caan role. (The first OBVIOUSLY being Charlie Tweeder in Varsity Blues. TWEEDER! Also, is it cool that I keep calling him Scotty? He probably doesn't read this blog... I wish he did?) This movie is just plain fun.

3. Good Will Hunting
Okay. So... was Casey supposed to be retarded in this movie? Don'tanswerthatIlovehiminthismoviesomuch! Wow. Yo, this shit got creepy. Um. I'm going to start from square one. Hey! Did you know that Casey Affleck is quite a good actor? This is an opinion I happen to hold. One film in which he shows off his I-am-quite-a-good-actor chops is 1997's Good Will Hunting. It is about a janitor who is good at math but has had a rough life blah blah blah you know the plot of Good Will Hunting. Remember the part about Casey Affleck having a crush on the take-out girl. That was funny.

2. Gone Baby Gone
Casey had a really good year in 2007. In fact, it was really difficult for me to pick the ordering on #1 and #2. I put Gone Baby Gone at number two just 'cause the role feels like less of a stretch, but eff that, really, because this is a stand-out performance and frankly, one that deserved even more recognition than it got. The younger Mr. Affleck put his heart and guts on display in the role and I'm not going to forget it any time soon. If you like noir, if you like moral drama, if you movies--check this out.

1. The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
Just an intensely good movie. Apparently there was a dark, brooding zeitgeisty thing going on in American film in 2007... also, BTW, why Roger Deakins didn't win for Best Cinematography for this, AND why Nick Cave didn't even get nominated for Best Score, I DO NOT KNOW. Anywayz. This is Casey Affleck's movie from start to finish. I'm remembering a great scene at a dinner table where Robert Ford lists the similarities between himself and Jesse James--I cannot shake this scene from my mind. Affleck is comically creepy, poignantly twisted, and absolutely heart-breaking in this performance. I have a feeling he's going to have a long, long career.