We're watching the Golden Globes. Everyone there is mind-blowingly hammered. I am drinking a juicebox.
11. Eva Longoria owns a house in Los Angeles’ Hollywood Dell neighborhood that she purchased in 2006 for $3.6 million. Eva Mendes is a lizard.
10. On November 30th, 2006, Eva Longoria became engaged to San Antonio Spurs point guard Tony Parker. On December 1st, 2006, Eva Mendes became lizard-engaged to a iguana, because she is a lizard.
9. Eva Longoria was a part of Microsoft's "I'm A PC" ad campaign. Eva Mendes is the Geico gecko, a member of the lizard family.
8. In 2007, Eva Longoria played “Consuelo” in The Heartbreak Kid. In 2007, Eva Mendes played a lizard in real life.
7. Eva Longoria originally wanted to be a fashion model and sent in photos to a modeling agency, but was declined because of her height. Eva Mendes originally wanted to be a person, but was declined because of her lizardness.
6. Eva Longoria landed her first television role in 2000, guest-starring in an episode of Beverley Hills, 90210. Eva Mendes landed on the floor of the rainforest after jumping from the lower canopy, on account of the fact that she's a lizard.
5. Eva Longoria has been quoted as saying, "I think it’s funny when people say I’m an overnight sensation, because I’ve been working at it for 10 years." Eva Mendes has been quoted as saying, “I think it’s funny that people don’t realize that I’m a lizard.”
4. Eva Longoria received her B.S. in kinesiology at Texas A&M. Eva Mendes received her B.S. in kinesiology at Texas Lizard College.
3. Eva Longoria is the youngest of four daughters. Eva Mendes is the youngest of four hundred lizards.
2. Eva Longoria was named the #14 Sexiest Woman in FHM’s 2008 list. Eva Mendes was named the best lizard ever by me.
1. Eva Longoria plays Gabby Solis on Desperate Housewives. Eva Mendes is a friggin’ lizard.