5. The other people on the roster are reliably good
I attended a Caroline's new talent night this summer, and I was very impressed by a handful of new comedians that had nothing to do with the act I was going to see. It's a "New Talent Night," but the comics who perform aren't new performers--in short, the quality is waaaaaaay above what you'd get at an open mic. Also, sometimes established comics drop in to try new material.
4. It's a really nice venue, and they make me a DVD
I don't know if you've ever been to Caroline's, but it's a really great place. It's big and looks great inside and has a super-classy almost-argyle print on the wall behind the performers. Here's a picture of Kristen Schaal performing there:
What's more, they make a very nice recording of the performers there that they can use as a video resume of their stand-up. I don't currently have a good recording of myself doing stand-up, so this would be really great for me.
3. It's only $5 if you call this number (212-757-4100) and say that you're coming to see me
That's a pretty good deal for somewhere between 60 and 90 minutes of good stand-up in 6-minute chunks. Oh okay, there's also a two-drink minimum.
2. It will be my best material
I'll only be on for 6 minutes, and likely if you've seen me do any stand-up before, at least some of it will overlap with what you've seen. Come anyway if you enjoyed what you've seen, and at least a few of the bits will probably be ones you haven't.
If you haven't seen me before, my hilarity will BLOW YOUR MIND.
1. Because you love me
Part of how you get this gig is as a bringer event--I pledged that at least 15 people would come see me. So, if you do it for no other reason, call to make sure I meet my quota. I WILL NEVER ASK YOU OF ANYTHING ELSE IN MY LIFE.